Hey Jane! Eat Me!

I've been checking out the Chicago Reader each week with interest. I especially love the Bulletin Board Section. What possesses a person to take the time and pay money to place these kinds of classified ads? Some highlights from this week's issue:

1. "Contrary to the 1/25 episode of 'Lost', baptism alone does not guarantee that you will go to heaven. It only changes you from a dry sinner to a wet one."
2. "The Keyboard is a Harsh Mistress - It kinda makes me cry...but I'm trying. I played for over an hour yesterday. Voluntarily. I don't think I've ever done that in my life. My poor mother's white hair came from trying to get me to practice when I was a kid. It's cold comfort. But things are looking better."
3. "HEY JANE! EAT ME!"
4. "Transvanguardia, the High Holy Empire of Mind Over Matter is expanding its grasp in March. During March 2006 we shall absorb the city of Paris into the empire - by Imperial Command of the GrandArchDuke Conrad I. So it is written, so it shall be."
5. "BUSH SUCKS"
6. " Wake Up, America! If the Iranians get the bomb, you won't have to worry about the bird flu. Cheddar Cheetah"
7. "If I learned anything from being falsely accused and attacked, I learned that Valentine’s Day is a restricted holiday. As always, still seeking truly positive, friendly establishments where love does come to everyone every day."
8. "Hey I was just trying to get back at my exgirl through our favorite Ray Charles song. She called and we're back... but you all keep having fun with that."
9. "Graaah! grrrrr! Mmrh? Graaahh, graaah. BRAINS!"
10. "Finally, a breakfast burrito."