Five Second Rule

Candy on the floor of the kitchen: do you eat it?

How many of you use the five second rule when it applies to dropped food?

For me, it depends on: 1) what kind of food it was, and; 2) how hungry I am. I'm more likely to pick up an M&M than a slice of cucumber. I guess a third factor would be what the food fell onto. Floor of the kitchen - sure, no problem. Floor of the movie theater - no thanks. (Even if it was an M&M.)

I read an article this weekend from the Tribune about dirty surfaces. According to a study from the U of Arizona, it turns out your office desk is 400 times dirtier than the average toilet seat. Couple things here:

1. That has to be a mistake. Somebody writing up the results was drunk (this is the U of A, after all). Or dyslexic (again, U of A).
2. I'm not putting much credo in this study since U of A is pretty much only good for getting a tan during winter semester and keg stands. Certainly not their scientific studies.
3. Even if this is true, I would still sooner eat a Dorito that's fallen from my mouth onto my desk than from the rim of a toilet seat. (Although to be clear, I don't see myself eating Doritos at the same time I'm standing in front of the toilet. But moving on.)
   

Other interesting points from the article include:

• Dirtiest work spaces come from: teachers, than accountants, then bankers. WTF? What is an accountant doing that's so unsanitary? Any accountant or banker out there who wishes to jump in here, feel free.
• The kitchen (and not the bathroom) has the most germs of any room in the house (this actually isn't that much of a surprise to me). Sponges and dishcloths are the worst, followed by sink drains, faucet handles and doorknobs.
  
• This same U of A study found fecal bacteria in office candy bowls. Now, I'm sorta hoping that they only studied office candy bowls at the U of A (because to me that would make sense).
• Women are more likely than men to use the 5-second rule.
  

Something To Live For

I registered for the Fox TV/KFC sweepstakes * to win a year's supply of the KFC Variety Big Box Meal, which, as far as I can tell is some popcorn chicken,** a leg, breast, buscuit, mash potatoes and gravy, cole slaw, and a chicken strip.

A year's supply people. I don't even know what that means exactly, except when I filled out the online form, I indicated that I eat at KFC 5-8 times a month (which is smart, because had I entered 1-2, that would mean that when I win I'd probably only get the Big Box Meal 1-2 times a month. I know - sometimes I agree that I'm wasting my potential in PR.)

When I win this thing next week, things are really going to change for me, I can feel it.

* Don't even think about it. This bitch is mine. Except for Richard - you can and should register too.
** I use this term loosely.

You Can Lighten Up With The Attitude, Sweetheart...

...You're a goddamned barista, not a fucking surgeon. 'Cuz if you want, I can really give you something to roll your eyes about.

Oh, the joyous Sunday morning trip the the local coffee shop. Honestly, I try to relax and keep things casual - it is Sunday morning after all - but sometimes people make it so difficult, like the above mentioned barista. Then , there's these people:

• Is it really such a struggle to throw on a pair of pants - even sweatpants if you must - to go out for a cup of coffee? I don't care that its Sunday morning, but pajamas in public is just not appropriate. You're an adult, and your snowflake pajamas are not cute. They're pathetic.
• I know its a bit crowded in here, but since when does getting up to fetch my coffee while leaving my barely-eaten pound cake at the table mean that you can take my seat? Yeah, I always buy a pastry, take a bite of it, then get up to leave the shop, douchebag.
  
• Richard spotted his first pair of Crocs for the year, a mere two days into the warm(er) weather. What's worst is that they were baby blue, worn with socks. On a dude.

The Sky Is Falling

Folks, is this really such a big deal? C'mon now, settle down. Are people really worried about this? Y2K my ass.

Are we just so obsessed about making shit up to worry about that we're blowing this out of proportion?

Or, is it that there's so much real shit in the world to be worried about, that we'd rather mask it with stupid crap like this, to make us feel less depressed?

When you get to work on Monday morning, go into your computer's settings and manually move the clock back an hour. Done. Get over it, people.

God forbid we should actually freak out about something that matters, like if I should go see "300" or "The Host" this weekend.

Turn It Up Fridays

It feels like spring is finally here today, with the temps expected to get into the (drumroll) high 40s - the warmest day of the year so far. To quote from the Scissor Sisters, "It Can't Come Quickly Enough."

It is great to see the snow melting, but the downside is all the crap that's been lost and buried under the snowpiles for the last three months. Like the dishrag, dog shit and leather gloves I saw at various spots along the sidewalks on the way to work this morning.

Album cover of the day: Millie Jackson "E.S.P." I guess I have juggs on the brain. I blame it on Sunday's Chocolate Mannequin.

Songs you should be listening to today: I'm in a covers mood - the fine mellow acoustic version of "Hey Ya" by Mat Weddle of the band Obadiah Parker; "Comfortably Numb" by the Scissor Sisters and "Even Here We Are" by Shawn Colvin.

Tonight Richard, Dop, Kevin and I are going to the Scissor Sisters concert at the Riv. Juicy sweet, y'all.

I'm Going Big Time

Type: www.thecherryride.com into your browser's address bar. Go ahead. Do it.

Pretty sweet, huh?

Now if I can just figure out how to reverse it so that my regular web address becomes thecherryride.com instead of cherryride.blogspot.com.

Because once that happens, then, you know, life will be complete and I'll be, like, awesome and everything.

Blog Cloud

This is my blog cloud, or the words most often written on Cherry Ride (apparently). I'm posting it only because I have nothing else to post, and I needed to get something on here to replace the Chocolate Mannequin.

I know, you're thrilled.

Have a good day.

Chocolate Mannequin

In my daily Craigslist furniture trolling (yes, it's a problem), I found this ad for "Chocolate Female Manneqin" complete with photos, one of which is included above.

Let me just reiterate that this ad was in the furniture section. You can find the ad here, but be warned it isn't really safe for work:

Soooo many questions about this one, such as:

1. What is this mannequin used for exactly - modeling shoes (as the photo's background would suggest)?
   
2. And if so, what's with the size of her juggs (sorry, but I believe in this case it is entirely appropriate to refer to them as juggs)?
   
3. Is it really necessary for the current owner to flash her breasts like this?
4. What kinds of things did the current owner do with this mannequin, besides, of course, use her to model shoes?
5. Why would one manufacture a mannequin with juggs like this, if it is only to model clothing and shoes?
6. If you were to manufacture a mannequin with such interesting and anatomical features, wouldn't you also maybe go through the trouble of giving it a head of hair so that it wouldn't need a wig in the first place?
7. What do you think makes it a "must see" (as the ad title states)? Is there more than what we already see from the photos?
8. Do you think there's anything interesting beneath the skirt? Is that perhaps what makes it a "must see"?
9. Who would buy this?
10. Creepy*

* OK, number 10 isn't really a question, but still - creepy.

Turn It Up Fridays

Even though I called in sick to work on Monday, this has been one of the longest work weeks ever. Christ, I just want to get out of here.

And since it is practically blizzarding outside, all I really want to do is get out of here and get under the covers.Album cover of the day: LuLu Roman "Now Let Me Sing". So many questions on this one. Who isn't letting her sing? And why? And isn't the question coming a bit late - you obviously ARE already singing since you've put out an album. Maybe Lulu should have titled her album "Now Buy My Album" which probably would have been a better request seeing that I don't think anybody did. But hey, at least is is warm wherever LuLu (and her muumuu) is.

Song you should be listening to today: "Relax (Take It Easy) by Mika.

Today's Top 10 is: "Top 10 Cure song titles that describe how I feel about the snow today (considering it was 49 degrees last night and I was ready to pack the parka away for the year)":

1. Prayers for Rain
   
2. I'm Cold
3. Stop Dead
   
4. Shiver and Shake
5. Grinding Halt
6. Lament
   
7. Boys Don't Cry
8. Dredd Song
9. Out of Mind
10. Torture
    

Cable TV: A Love Story

So Richard and I moved into our new apartment a few weeks ago and had been going without TV until we brought one back from DC last weekend. We hadn't yet signed up for cable so imagine our surprise when, just for fun, we connected the cable in the living room to the TV and found that we did indeed have cable - all glorious close-to-100 channels - coming out of our TV.

It sorta felt like Christmas. I think I actually did the happy dance. It also sorta felt naughty, because we were getting cable service without actually paying for it (just like the wireless internet service, which we seem to be freeloading off of somebody in our building, but that's another topic). We quickly surmised that we were just getting the last remaining days of service from the person who lived in the apartment before us, who we figure is probably paid through the end of February.

I have lived - successfully I might add - without cable TV since December of 2005. That's about 14 months of cable-free living. I was OK with this; I felt I was living a relatively normal, well-adjusted life. Sure, occasionally I would hear something about some cable reality TV show everyone else was watching/talking about (exactly who is this "New York" chick who has her own VH-1 show??) but overall I didn't feel I was missing out.

But now that we have it - and, for the moment, free - I'm pretty frickin' excited. Last night I stayed up to watch I rerun of "Top Design" not because I needed to see the ending (I already saw it at Dop's the week before), but more because it was a cable TV program that was coming out of my television set in my living room. It's been a long time since that happened. Very surreal, y'all.

Anyway, as it is the beginning of a new month (and billing cycle), I'm a bit afraid of what will happen when we come home from work tonight and turn on the TV. Will we be greeted with static, or by the "The Daily Show"? The black screen of death or "House Hunters"? Will the lucky streak continue, or will the new-found pleasure that is cable TV be ripped from our bosoms?

Cross your fingers with ours, folks, because otherwise its going to be sometime in April before we scrounge together the cash to actually pay for cable service.

I Don't Wanna Know

I've been a bit out of it these last few days. My mood has not been good, and my psyche is a bit... fragile. There's a lot of depressing/potentially depressing stuff going on in the world that I really don't want to know about. To read up on them would likely send my sensitive frame of mind into a deep depression.

• I don't want to know that the stock markets took a deep plunge the other day and many fear a recession is on the way. When you work in my field, any hint of "recession" means "unemployment."
• I don't want to know that the Lincoln Park Zoo, as well as the Sears Tower, are potential terrorist targets.
• I don't want to know that the threat of a dirty bomb is more dire than we all would like to think.
• I don't want to know that there are abandoned nuclear weapon sites in former Soviet countries that are non-secure and just waiting for some crazies to come steal some bombs.
• I don't want to know that I'm so out of shape that I practically break into a sweat just by walking to the train stop each day.

I don't want to know any of these things, since I don't need any more stress in my life. Besides, I've got to finish this report for a client and can't be bothered.

Happy Now?

The blogroll has been restored and y'all are now back on it.
So you can quit your crying already. Sheesh.

[Just kidding. But if I've missed anybody, or you'd like to be added to the esteemed list, send me an email or something.]

Have a great weekend everyone!

PS - type in the words "lost in West Virginia" into your favorite search engine and the above photo comes up. Here's hoping Richard and I don't encounter them Saturday night/Sunday morning - if ever there was a group of serial killers, this be them. If they're working the front desk at whatever motor lodge we roll up to outside of Cheat Neck, WV then lord help us.

Turn It Up Fridays

Despite Julie's notion that "nobody does any work on Fridays" I have to say I've been cranking at work today - finishing off a draft cover story for a client and fixing another's huge-ass PowerPoint presentation - each of which could easily take a day, but I've done both in a matter of 4 hours. Yay for me. So let's get right to this week's TIUF...

Album cover of the day: Cody Matherson "Can I Borrow a Feelin'?" Yikes, Cody. Borrow elsewhere.

Songs you should be listening today: "Starlight" by Muse, and "She's Like the Wind" by R&B act Lumidee (yes, that "She's Like the Wind" and thanks to Laura for the suggestion).

Tomorrow morning Richard and I fly back to DC to finish what we started there two weeks ago but had to postpone thanks to some of them charming locals. Needless to say, I'm a bit nervous about it all (our luck has not been good on this front) and will be relieved when we're both back on Sunday. To illustrate my trepidation, this week's "Top 10" list is: "Top 10 Metallica song titles to describe my attitude towards driving the minivan full of furniture 12 hours from DC to Chicago" (in no particular order):

1. Escape
2. Bleeding Me
   
3. Creeping Death
4. Dyer's Eve
   
5. My Friend of Misery
6. Trapped Under Ice
7. Motorbreath
8. (Anesthesia) Pulling Teeth
9. Whiplash
10. The Frayed Ends of Sanity
    

CROOPP

This is the official 2007 CROOPP (Cherry Ride Obligatory Oscar Prediction Post).

Let me just start out by saying that I don't believe in Hollywood, or the Academy. I only believe in myself. I think I am the only person qualified to give out the Oscars, as I alone understand who truly deserves them. Let me also say that I haven't seen many of the nominated movies & performances, but it really doesn't impair my ability to judge them. So without further ado:

Best Supporting Actress -
Should win: Cate Blanchett
Will win: Jennifer Hudson
Have I seen? Neither

Best Supporting Actor -
Should win: Alan Arkin
Will win: Eddie Murphy (only if nominations closed before "Norbit" came out. If not, he should be fucked)
Have I seen? LMS

Best Actress -
Should win: Helen Mirren
Will win: Helen Mirren
Have I seen? Yes

Best Actor -
Should win: Forest Whitaker
Will win: Forest Whitaker
Have I seen? No

Best Director -
Should win: guy who directed "Babel"
Will win: Martin Scorsese
Have I seen? Neither

Best Adapted Screenplay -
Should win: Borat
Will win: Departed
Have I seen? Borat

Best Original Screenplay -
Should win: Little Miss Sunshine
Will win: Pan's Labyrinth
Have I seen? Both

Best Cartoon -
Should win: Don't really care - "Incredibles" was the only good cartoon ever made. (Sorry Richard, but it's true!)
Will win: Again, don't really care
Have I seen? Not a chance

Best Foreign Film -
Should win: Water*
Will win: Pan's Labyrinth
Have I seen? Pan's

Best Picture -
Should win: The Queen (although I would really love it if "Sunshine" won but it doesn't stand a chance)
Will win: Babel
Have I seen? Of all the nominated films, I've only seen "Queen" and "Sunshine." The others look rather boring to me. Sorry, but that's just how I roll.

* Totally kidding on this one. I have no idea what "Water" is even about.

I'm Not Really This Boring, Am I?

I took the Super Hero Personality Test hoping I would turn out to be someone cool, like Green Lantern, or Ultra Boy, or Gambit, or even Aquaman...

But it turns out I'm Superman. Bummer.
He's OK and all, but am I really that boring?

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others. [This is their polite way of saying: "You're a white bread honky who flosses between meals, enjoys Matchbox Twenty and obeys all traffic laws. And you definitely got beat up a lot as a child."]

So NOT Proper. But whatever, I'm over it.

Photo of the Week

Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on in this photo?

I found it during one of my usual client searches on Corbis.

Seriously. I don't even know where to start. Couple questions I posit to the group:

1. Boy? Girl?
   
2. Relation to Little Superstar? Or just one-half of the his new crime-fighting duo?
3. Is this a hospital room? Insane Asylum?
4. Does the cat wear the pants in the relationship?
5. Why would someone take this photo, let alone pose for it?
6. And why the hell is it available on Corbis?
   

Happiness Is...

1. new furniture (finally) for the apartment.
2. a clean car.
3. weekend walks to find good coffee shops in your new neighborhood.
4. listening to the new Patty Griffin album.
5. fresh paint to cover up the old dingy walls.
6. pb & j sandwiches at 1am.
7. a new cell phone to replace the one lost in DC.
8. new shoes.
   

All these things happened this past weekend. Plus, like Friday, my boss and the firm's two partners are out of the office. Life is good.*

Of course, it should be pointed out that a great deal of cash was spent in order to achieve the above list. Maybe a better (and quicker) post would have been "Happiness Is Money" but that's besides the point. Isn't it?

* OK, this is a really wussy saccharine post for me. I promise to do better next time.

Whoops...

In an effort to keep my blogroll lean, mean and current, I accidentally deleted it. As in, the whole thing. All 30-some near and dear Cherry Reads.

Sorry.

So I'll be re-building over the next few days and hopefully will remember everyone that got erased.

In the meantime, let's all laugh hysterically at someone else's pain (and yes, it does actually get funnier after repeated viewings):

Turn It Up Fridays

I'm going to make Fridays all about music. I started my work day with a voicemail from my manager saying she's out sick today. Additionally three other VPs are out of the office today and I'm pretty sure that means an automatic slack day for me. So crank it, beeatches.

Album cover of the day: Joyce Drake (that's her above; her album includes the gem "I Get All Excited")

Songs you should be listening to today: "Good Stuff" by Schuyler Fisk, "Learning to Breathe" by Nerina Pallot, and a little Shins action - "Turn on Me."

On the way into work, "Sax and Violins" from the Talking Heads came up on shuffle, which got me thinking about what great lyricists they (particularly David Byrne) were, which has inspired the first of my new weekly song title list. This week's is: "10 Talking Heads song titles that could describe how I feel about my life" (in no particular order):

1. Lifetime Piling Up
2. Take Me to the River
3. Blind
4. Overload
5. Crosseyed & Painless
6. Swamp
7. I Wish You Wouldn't Say That
8. Psycho Killer
9. Road to Nowhere
10. Seen and Not Seen (but mostly the "Not Seen" part)
    

Does Anybody?...

... actually eat this?
I saw it in the deli today.
Seriously, if you ever have, please let me know when and why, and especially what those white chunks inside the sausages are.