The Wacko Macko and Paul Poon (or: Skinny Dipping Is Awesome!)

[this is a photo of what the Wacko Macko kinda looks like, if you gussied it up a bit and added a lemon]

A few posts back I mentioned that LP and I would be creating a new drink called the Wacko Macko, consisting of Hawaiian Punch, DeKuyper's "Island Blue Pucker" flavor and Everclear, and that it would be Fabulous and the Official Drink Of Summer. We finally had the chance to create it this weekend when Richard,Niner, LP and I went up/down/across to the lake house in Indiana.

After spending roughly $60 on ingredients (and since Everclear is pretty much illegal in the Midwest – WTF? – we had to settle for Vodka), LP and I got down to it, like chemists in the science lab. I’ll spare you all the details, but after a couple variations of the HP, the Island Blue Pucker, tonic water and limes, we’ve decided that the Wacko Macko needs some minor/major re-tooling to become that perfect Summer ’07 Drink. Not that what we created this weekend was bad – quite the contrary – but we may need to substitute the Hawaiian Punch with something like Tang. And maybe add some other stuff to zing it up.

Regardless, I ended up having two big glasses of Wacko Mackos in the space of about 45 minutes. They were that good, people.

And like most great scientists experimenting in a lab throughout history, we unintentionally created another equally amazing product that was completely unexpected but equally impressive through the course of our experimenting – the Paul Poon.
The Paul Poon (see photo above) is a mixture of the Island Blue Pucker, tonic water and lime and vodka (its kinda like the Wacko Macko but without the Hawaiian Punch to make it sweet). Some may say that the Paul Poon is better than the Wacko Macko. That is up for debate.

All I know is that after two Wacko Mackos and some of the ol’ Paul Poon** the next thing I know is we’re all in the lake sliding down the slide, diving off the diving board, and jumping on the big trampoline - all in the middle of the lake.

Oh yeah - and then my shorts are off and I’m Skinny Dipping. Whoops.

Last week I had described how nothing makes you feel like a kid again than a good Public Urination; I’m here today to tell you that a good Skinny Dip pretty much has the same effect. It was almost like a was a 4-year old child. ***

The rest of the evening is kinda spotty – I recall an attempt to play 80’s trivial pursuit thwarted by rain, frozen pizza AND pizza rolls (score!), an in-depth conversation about the speculative sex life of a mutual friend, watching the original 1970’s Superman movie, and the inability to make up the bed for sleeping.

I may someday live to have a few regrets – maybe even some regrets about this past weekend - but the skinny dipping incident will not be one of them. Thank you Wacko Macko (v1) and Paul Poon for giving me such pleasure.

PS – we were not able to meet up with Cooter this time around. But I have faith that sometime soon we will.

** I think it is OK to refer to the Paul Poon as the Ol' Paul Poon. It has a nice ring to it, no?

*** A 4-year old child who happened to be drunk.

I Am Awake With Big Boobs (Friday Thoughts)

• I did something drastic and purchased a 6-month locker rental at my gym the other day. Which means one of two things: I am either getting serious about going to the gym on a regular basis, or I'm a complete fool who likes to waste money. Time will tell.
• Confession: Richard and I ate White Castles yesterday. Unbelievably, it was his first time there, and my first time in 16 years. It was good. Diiiiirty good. I shouldn't admit this, but we spent $25 there (and that's not including the gas it took to get all the way up to Edgewater) -- twenty-five dollars!!!! Richard wrote about it too, and you can see an actual photo of the carnage here.
  
• Heading to the Randolph St. Fest tonight for beer, giant BBQ turkey legs and Fountains of Wayne.
• Tomorrow is the first summer trip to Indiana to drink Wacko Mackos and eat a variety of Hostess products. Lookout Cooter!
• Chances that I'll see the new Fantastic Four movie this weekend (even though I know it is going to suck ass): 60%
• There's a new posting over at The Liar's Club. Check it out, leave a comment and stop by regularly. Those good people need your support!
  

Highlights from this week's Google/MSN/Yahoo searches that brought people to my site (excluding the usual suspects: "Helen Mirren's boobs", "Ever Since I Can Remember I've Been Poppin' My Collar" and "cherry juggs"):

• "I am awake with big boobs"
• "I have one calf muscle bigger than the other"
• "I am pathetic and fat"
• "Trans fat my ass"
• "How not to be boring"
• "Riding London Tube is like smoking two cigarettes" (which I've been told is actually true, which means I smoked about six packs in the 7 weeks I lived there. Shit.)
  

I Got Yelled At...

... by my office building landlord this afternoon for having my window open, while the air conditioning was on. Seriously. He yelled at me.

Is the air conditioning really on? Because that would mean there would be cool air flowing through the building. Which there isn't. Hence the reason my window is open.

I'll make a deal with you, Mr. Douchebag Landlord: I'll stop opening the window when you decide to fix the air conditioning in this shanty office space.

Leme

I am creating a new term called "leme" used to describe any one of the hundreds of lame memes that get passed around the blog world. The below is one of them.

I've been tagged by my dear friend Classy and Fancy with this one. She got it from none other than Julie "And then the sexiness happened" Gong. Damn the both of you!

Not doing the meme and following the instructions is simply not an option, because everybody knows what happens if you don't: shame falls on your house and all who enter it, your car gets stolen, your penis falls off, blah blah blah.
* * * *
INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1. FeistyMnGirl
2. What Greg Likes
3. A Blog of a Good Time
4. Classy & Fancy
5. [Cherry] Ride
   

Select five people to tag (Note: Classy already stole most of the original people I would have tagged):

1. Carrie Bradshaw
   
2. ChuckDaddy Express
3. Kefla
4. Once Upon a Day (like she doesn't have enough memes to write already)
5. ReckenRoll
   

My apologies in advance to all of you (unless of course you like lemes). Without further ado...

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Keepin' it real in Portland. More specifically, I was probably writing speaking points for why Internet Explorer 4 was going to be better than Netscape Navigator 4 was (jealous, I know).

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Trying to figure out how old I was, while also plotting to somehow score free tickets to Madonna.

Five snacks you enjoy:
Nacho Cheese Flavored Combos
Twix
Peanut Butter-Filled Pretzels from Trader Joes
Small Children
Sea Monkeys

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:
Everything's Better with Blue Bonnet on It
Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goal Posts of Life
Who's Johnny?
Pac-Man Fever
My Heart Will Go On

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Gold Plated Toilet
Donut of the Week Club
Flat in London
Beach House in Manly
Weekly Anal Bleaching

Five bad habits:
Junk Food
Nail Biting
Craigslist
Blogging At Work
Not Keeping in Contact With People

Five things you like doing:
Swimming
Blogging
Traveling
Music
Not Responding to Lemes

Five things you would never wear again:
I can't think of a single thing I'd never wear again, given the right situation

Five favorite toys:
Aqua Man Doll
Star Wars Figures
Laptop
iPod
Camera

Weekend Recap

Very busy today, so let's just get started, people. Highlights from the weekend:

• Richard, Niner, LP and I ate at Taco Bell. Of our own free will. Without being drunk. The 7 Layer Crunchwrap Supreme is not really as "good to go" as they claim it to be.
• Although the Wacko Macko may be the official drink of Summer 07, it must be noted that the Long Island Iced Tea is also a mighty fine option. Especially two or more in a thirty minute period.
  
• You know what else is a mighty fine drink option for summer? Pink ones. Shouldn't a raspberry lemonade alcoholic drink be reddish or pink in color? Not as much as you might think, if you're having them from the Pontiac Cafe. My advice to all of you: if your raspberry lemonade alcoholic drink isn't pink, send it back.
• I learned the meaning of "hitting one to the upper deck." If you don't know what it refers to (and no, not the in baseball sense) and would like to learn, e-mail the Niner.
• Is getting told by someone that you remind them of Ferris Bueller a complement? Really?
  
• What happened to the days of getting free drinks when it's your birthday? Long gone, apparently. While at the bar(s) this weekend, I was telling anyone who would listen (our server, our hostess, etc.) or not listen (some guy in the urinal next to me, the girl behind me at the ATM, etc.) it was my birthday but didn't get a free drink or shot from anyone on the bar's payroll. Granted, it wasn't actually my birthday (yet), but they didn't know that.
• Feeling old and depressed on your birthday weekend and want to feel younger? Two words my friends: Public Urination. I took a piss behind a dumpster in an alley and immediately felt like I was, like, in college again. Seriously, give it a try. You don't even need to wait until your birthday.
  
• I bought a cool pair of treads this weekend at a skateboard shop on Milwaukee that Niner dragged us to Saturday afternoon. "Wow Cherry," you're thinking, "I didn't know you were a skateboarder." Well, I'm not. But show me where it's written that one has to be a skateboarder to wear skate shoes. Do you have to be a tramp to have a tramp stamp? Didn't think so. So back off.
• It is possible to drink an entire bottle of beer before someone points out to you that it is of the non-alcoholic variety. And I think that's bullshit - there should be bigger warnings on the bottle indicating there's no alcohol in it. I mean, c'mon - I wasted valuable stomach real estate on an entire bottle on non-alcoholic beer!! You can't just bounce back from that with the snap of the fingers.
• How do you know a party's been a success? No, not when you "hit one to the upper deck" (although that could certainly count), but when you're doing the bump to "Freedom '90" by George Michael, throwing balloons into the street from the rooftop deck and yelling offensive remarks to the people on the street below.
• I was supposed to go to KID's graduation party Sunday, and I didn't make it. Sorry, KID. I'll make it up to you!
  

Thanks everyone for the birfday wishes!

Pepperidge Farms Racist

If you haven't already, hop over to Bridget Jones and help her launch her new campaign called "Tupperware Secret." It's like Post Secret, except with Tupperware (and yeah, it was my idea).

I just remembered, then found, my first-ever attempt at a blog (two entries back in July of 2003 when Blogger was a piss-ant little site without much HTML capabilities), which was just as riveting as my current blog is. After this one I went on to my own website - now defunct - then MSN Spaces. So I'm officially a Blogging Whore. Curious as to when any of you started blogging?

Without further ado, highlights from this week's Google/MSN/Yahoo! searches that led people to my blog (excluding the old standards - "Helen Mirren's boobs" and "Ever Since I Can Remember I've Been Poppin' My Collar" - which I get on a daily basis):

• Really random ones: "tranny wives", "trannie vacation" (which I swear I've seen on Skinemax), "bitches from Sutton Bay", "where to buy vegemite in Tucson", "purple phlegm", "Pebbles Girlfriend blogspot", "KFC toy Alba" and "pepperidge farms racist" (which I think is an awesome name for a band)
  
• And the X-rated ones: "ride and suck", "titts out in public", "cherry tattoos on the ass" "hang titts" and "blogspot juggs."

Oh yeah - and it's my birfday weekend!

Have a good weekend, y'all.
PROPER!

The Wacko Macko

[This is not my driver's license or photo. Mine is much uglier.]

Tuesday night Niner had a softball game, so I accompanied LP to the Sox-Yankees Game. All kinds of hilarity ensued, but essentially three highlights:

1. Sox lost (this isn't really a "highlight" more just an unfortunate fact).
2. As LP and I were getting our beer, the woman checking IDs looked at my DC driver's license (yeah, I've been living back in Chicago for 16 months, so what??) and said I had the most beautiful ID photo she'd ever seen. Ever. She told me I should "send it somewhere" (her words, not mine) like a modeling agency. She said I was "gorgeous" (again her words not mine - LP if you're reading this, please verify in the comments section). She even took my ID and showed it to her friend working next to her. When we said she probably says that to all the guys, she said, "No, I'm honest. Some of these people here are real ugly!" I relate this story to you dear readers, not because I agree with her, but more because she is obviously crazy. Our friend Juli from Portland happened to call LP during the game and when LP told her the story, Juli's reply was: "Keep Will away from the Carnies." Which I think sums the situation up quite nicely.
3. LP told me a game she'd created last year, in which she has tried to create an alcoholic beverage based on each Sox starting player's name. When we got to Rob Mackowiak, LP indicated that she hadn't come up with a drink for him yet (since he's new this year). I suggested a drink called the "Wacko Macko" which, in a moment of sheer collaborative brilliance, will be comprised of Hawaiian Punch, DeKuyper's "Island Blue Pucker" flavor, and (of course) Everclear. It will be purple in color, utterly fabulous, and I declare it to be the official drink of Summer '07 (replacing last year's official drink, the "Calimocho"). Who is with me??
   
   [This is Rob Mackowiak]

Happy Tuesday

I work in a job where I have clients that I sometimes don't enjoy working with, who can be real ass wipes.

Yesterday, I had to send one of my clients an e-mail that I knew he wasn't going to like, with some rather unfortunate information. (Sometimes, in my job, I have to play a bad guy and advise a client with a good dose of reality as to why other people on the planet don't share his belief that his lame idea is the Next Big Thing.)

I came into the office this morning with an e-mail from him with the words "This is a totally unacceptable answer" copying his boss and some of his colleagues. Like I'm some retarded child. You know what's totally unacceptable? You being a douche nugget.

Yay! I love starting my day with an e-mail like that. Sometimes I really love my job.

I think I'd like to start a website, and call it something like "MyJobSucks.com" in which people can write in their weekly bad work experiences. The benefit being that when you're having a really bad day at work you can read about other people's misfortunes and hopefully crack a smile, knowing you're not alone.

Is This a Joke?

... There's no way it is really June already. No fucking way.

Almost halfway through the year and I've barely made a dent in my 2007 Resolutions.

Top 10 Things to Do in Souix Falls, SD...

[This is the Sioux Falls Airport, folks. Pretty exciting shit.]

… when Stuck in the Airport on a 2.5 hour Layover:

1. Zip
2. Zero
3. Zilch
4. Buy a South Dakota refrigerator magnet as a gift
5. Complain when the only gift shop in the place closes at 5 pm. (5 pm, people!)
6. Nothing
7. Nada
8. Jack
9. Jack Shit
10. Make fun of the other people in the airport

Proper, Bitches!

Happy Friday everyone! Above is the Official Crest of the [Cherry] Ride, which I got from this site (via this one and this one). I think everyone should create their own official seal. If you do, leave a comment so I can check it out, mmkay?

In other news, last night on XRT's "New Noise at Nine" program I heard the new Crowded House song "Don't Stop Now" and I pretty much pissed my pants in excitement. Which isn't a good thing, especially 'cuz I was driving. The album comes out in July, and I'm seriously stoked.

And without further ado, highlights from this week's Google searches:

• "outdoorsy boobs"
• "Helen Mirren's boobs"
  

Things to Do in Denver When You're Drunk

This past weekend Richard and I flew to visit our friend Krista in Denver and drank our body weight in alcohol.

Denver is a very active city, offering plenty of opportunities to enjoy the outdoors, bike, run, raft, etc. When we began planning the trip several weeks ago, words like “hike” and “camp” were being thrown around by our hostess (rather carelessly and cavalier, in my opinion), and to prepare for the weekend I thought it best to pack clothes that would protect me against rain, snow, wind and wild cougars.

But as the days leading up to the visit unfolded, talk of the great outdoors subsided and were replaced with conversations about “catching up” and “relaxing” and “not getting out of bed until afternoon” and other, more meaningful subjects more closely associated with weekend getaways.

Krista was hosting a party, and when we arrived (after literally waiting more than an hour at baggage claim – thanks Frontier Airlines!), Richard and I were handed some beer, and then some shots, and just a few minutes later when “Girlfriend” by Pebbles came through the stereo, the troubles of work and Chicago seemed far, far away.

After an unfortunate incident occurred early in the morning hours, we decided the best way to tackle the rest of the holiday weekend would not be through physical outdoorsy activities (camping, hiking, etc.) but through more alcohol.

Alcohol for brunch. Lunch. With a mid-afternoon snack. Dinner. As prolonged nightcap. Bloody Marys, Beer, Tequila, Krista's Kick-Ass Lemonades, Gin and Tonics, Rum and Cokes, Mojitos. And some shot called a Washington Apple.

Pass out, awake, repeat.

Of course, drink is not all we did: I bought a new camera (yes!), danced to Kelly Clarkson, went to Vail, used a mustard bottle as a microphone to rock out to Bon Jovi, tried to climb a giant iron cow statue, dropped a good $12 on snacks in a vending machine, and sang the “Everything’s better with Blue Bonnet on it” song, repeatedly. It should also be pointed out that Richard let the terrorists win -- just a little bit -- by buying the pink sugar cookies instead of the red/white and blue ones, but nevermind.

Open Letters

Dear Left Calf Muscle: Listen, I’m sorry that I’m making you bike 25 minutes to work each morning, then 25 minutes back home. I know you’d rather sit on the Purple Line and relax. But that’s just how it is going to be. You need to deal with it and move on, and stop cramping up on me just because you’re angry. Yesterday while walking the hall at work, I felt you actually *pop*. I'm no doctor or anything, but I'm pretty sure that's not good. You’re pissed. I get it. But let’s all go back to normal so I can start running and swimming again.

Dear Allergies: I thought we’d covered this already, years ago. You start to act up, I take some Claratin. Repeat for several weeks and we both get along fine. What, suddenly that’s not good enough for you? Now you’re waking me up in the middle of the night? Please, give me a break. I just want to get through the next couple of weeks – is that too much to ask?

Dear Pharmaceutical Companies: How hard is it to make an over the counter allergy pill that works? Seriously. C’mon already. I’m dying here.

Dear People at the Corner Deli Responsible for Stocking the Twix Candy Bars: Can we do something about storing them in a place where they don’t melt? Every time I buy one, I open the wrapper and it’s all brown goo. I have to put it in the freezer for 30 minutes unless I want that shit all up on my grill. Is it too much to ask to enjoy a Twix without getting that shit all over my hands?

Dear Neil Finn: I love you. I am so excited about the new Crowded House album in July I'm ready to piss myself. I love you. Richard and I are really looking forward to seeing you in August (me more so than Richard, but that’s OK). I love you. When you get in town, give me a call and we’ll hang. Did I mention that I love you?

Dear Woman Selling That Awesome Mid-Century Modern Couch on Craigslist: I was the first responder to your ad (you even told me so). You want to sell it, I want to buy it. That simple. Quit messing around and call me back already. I want that fucking couch!!

This Week in Google* Searches & Weng Weng

It always amazes me the kinds of internet searches that lead people to this blog. Once again, my apologies to those whose searches below did not get them what they were looking for (parentheses my own).

• "I like small men"
• Jeep bitches (I don't even know what this means. Is there such a thing as a jeep bitch?)
  
• "Ride like the wind" cover
• juggs (Seriously. Try it- type in "juggs" and this blog comes up.)
  
• juggs blogspot (Again, try it. How ironic that my blog is somehow associated with juggs.)
• Sweet cherry boobs (I think this person has a problem.)
• CHERRY BOOBS PART 20 (Is this the 20th chapter in a long running porn series? And how horny/desperate are you that you typed IN ALL CAPS?)
  
• Sweet poppin in her cherry (I love how almost all of these searches have a pornographic bent to them.)
• "Scientology tshirts" (If they exist, I want one!)
• flavor of love blogspot
• cherry tattoos lower stomache (Classy. Especially the misspelling of the word "stomach." I believe this is worse than a tramp stamp.)
• Sydney Australia hipsters "east village" Newtown. (Richard or Farting Puppy - was this you?)
• John Mayer shows off his wonderland body (Not here he doesn't!)
  

In other news, I lifted this Weng Weng clip from Guy from Chicago. I think Weng Weng is this year's Little Superstar. If nothing else, I think Classy & Dr. Ken will get a kick out if it.


Happy Weekend Everyone!

* Or MSN or Yahoo! Search too.

Replacing One Bad Habit With Another

The good news is that I've been weaning myself off of soda pop and caffeine - from a diet coke/pepsi/coke zero/pepsi one at lunch + one at dinner - to pretty much none. This is a good thing.

But in order to satisfy my sweet tooth I couldn't go straight to something as healthy as water (pizza + water = gross), so we've been buying those no calorie, no sugar flavored waters (similar to, but not exactly like the ones pictured above).

You know the ones - not the designer expensive ones made by Propel or Clearly Canadian or LaCroix - but those cheap 89 cents a bottle ones. Every supermarket sells them; they're just bottled under a different name depending on the store (I've had these exact same drinks from Albertson's, Dominick's, Fred Meyer's, Giant, Jewel, Kroeger's, Publix, Safeway and Winn Dixie).

They taste so good that there obviously must be something wrong with them. Richard brought a whole bunch home from the grocery store yesterday and I got up at 2:30 last night with craving so strong that only their sweet sugary (without actually containing any sugar!) goodness could satisfy. I think that's a problem.

Am I kidding myself that these are actually better for me than a diet coke? Am I replacing one bad chemical with another? I don't think I want to know the answer, actually. Let me enjoy my sweet raspberry, cherry and white grape nectar in peace.

On a different note: Yep, I've made some changes to the blog. Added a few more regular reads to the blogroll too.

Jerry Falwell is Finally Dead

“Homosexuals are brute beasts...part of a vile and satanic system [that] will be utterly annihilated, and there will be a celebration in heaven.”

“Textbooks are Soviet propaganda”

“The whole (global warming) thing is created to destroy America's free enterprise system and our economic stability”

Re: 9/11 attacks "...I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians, the ACLU... I point the thing in their face and say you helped this happen."

See ya in Hell, Jer-Jer!

John Mayer - WTF??

What's going on with John Mayer? WTF is with that hair?

Today I saw a photo of him and I thought for a moment it was a picture of the Cure's Robert Smith.

The Robert Smith look barely looked OK for Robert Smith.

This Week in Google Searches

To the individuals who stumbled across my blog this week from the following Google searches, my apologies that you didn't find what you were looking for.

• "Helen Mirren's boobs"
• "Poon" (yay!)
• "Wipe that grin"
• "Automatic Slims"
• "Hipsters suck"
• "IKEA Persion rugs bad"
• "Those cherry juggs"
• "How boring whitebread am I? quiz"
• "Food meaning monte cristo"
• "Crocs Walgreens"
• "Orange County monte cristo sandwiches"
• "Ever since I can remember I've been poppin my collar" (Seriously, I get this one weekly.)
  

Sorry. But come back next week -- I may blog about seeing Helen Mirren (and her cherry juggs/boobs) poppin' her collar eating a monte cristo sandwich in Orange County wearing Crocs she got at Walgreens.

And poon.

Here's a Headline You Just Hate to See...

Is nothing safe anymore? Jeez, if dance faceoffs are now potentially fatal, I might as well just not go out anymore.

I've turned into Mrs. Fletcher...

Some Things You Should Know...

... About the Cherry Ride Official "Break" and Things I've Been Doing:

1. No, I'm not dead. Or mad at you. But thanks for all the e-mails and concerns.
2. It has been a bit weird taking this time off, but it has been good.
3. If you haven't yet watched "Flavor of Love: Charm School" you best start watching. It's gold, people. Broadcasting gold.
4. I do intend to come back at some point. When that will be, I'm not sure. Just don't give up on me.
5. I plan to make a more concerted effort to read and comment to y'all's blogs.
6. Since I'm not blogging, I've been spending my time getting some exercise - running a few days a week, biking to work, getting back into the pool. Feels good.
   
7. I'm seriously considering starting a search for a new job.
   
8. That new Doritos flavor - Smokin' Cheddar BBQ - isn't very good and should lose out to Wild White Nacho.

PROPER

Since I'm on a break, Tino

and Dear Mother would like to say hello.

In other news, if any of my DC friends are looking to buy a great house in an, ahem, "up-and-coming" NE neighborhood, mine is for sale.

Earth to Cherry Ride...

...Umm, anyone out there want to guest author a post for me over the next few days?

Seriously, I'd like to keep the Cherry Ride from entropy and I don't see myself returning for at least another few days (or maybe longer). The guest author can choose the topic and everything, and virtually no subject is verboten.

C'mon - its a win-win for everybody!

Send me an e-mail (you can find it in my profile) if you're interested (or bored) and let's get this party started.

PROPER

Is It Wrong?

...That it is only late March and I'm already longing for the cool, comforting weather that only the Fall can bring?

Yeah, I thought so too.

Not only am I not ready for warm temperatures, I'm kinda wishing they won't come at all. Do I not deserve a Spring this year?

OK, I'll shut up now.

PS - Per my last entry, I'm still on a "break." I just couldn't stay away, is all....

Phoning It In

Although I try to write a few times a week, sometimes I just can't muster up the energy.
So instead of just phoning it in (kinda like yesterday's post), I'm gonna just take a little vacation for a few days. Nothing big. I'll still be around, just not here on the Ride.

Proper.

Paul Poon

I got this email into my work inbox from Paul Poon. (Yeah, that's right, Paul Poon.)
Can anyone translate from Chinese? Because I'm dying to know what this email from Mr. Poon is about - surely some awesome investment opportunity being made available by Poon only for me. Which I think could be cool because until this email, I hadn't even known about Paul Poon.

I'm particularly interested in the stuff written by Poon in red.

How can I respond to Poon if I don't understand what he's offering? I really feel as though this is could be a great offer from Paul Poon. Sigh. I suppose I will just have to cross my fingers and hope that I receive another message - this time in English - from Poon.

PS - I'm just going to guess that in a day or so if you type in the words "Paul Poon" into your search engine, this blog entry will come up. Or maybe even the word "Poon." Because that would, you know, be like, awesome.

Monte Cristo

I've hardly ever met a sandwich I didn't like. But have you ever had a Monte Cristo?

Last night Richard, Loaf and I went to the Melrose Diner for dinner. I couldn't make up my mind from the large sandwich selection, so feeling pressure to order I chose the Monte Cristo. I had never had one before, but the menu description read that it had ham, turkey and cheese - what's not to like about that?

Apparently I didn't read the description hard enough because That shit has french toast for bread. Huh? Tasting ham, cheese, turkey and sweet custard-like bread all in the same mouthful is kinda a gross turnoff. It came with a side of maple syrup, for chrissakes.

If I wanted a McGriddle sandwich (also gross), I would have gone to McDonald's and saved myself a few bucks. *

Moral of the story: avoid the Monte Cristo.

* However, that did not stop me from eating half of it last night, then the other half for lunch today.

Five Second Rule

Candy on the floor of the kitchen: do you eat it?

How many of you use the five second rule when it applies to dropped food?

For me, it depends on: 1) what kind of food it was, and; 2) how hungry I am. I'm more likely to pick up an M&M than a slice of cucumber. I guess a third factor would be what the food fell onto. Floor of the kitchen - sure, no problem. Floor of the movie theater - no thanks. (Even if it was an M&M.)

I read an article this weekend from the Tribune about dirty surfaces. According to a study from the U of Arizona, it turns out your office desk is 400 times dirtier than the average toilet seat. Couple things here:

1. That has to be a mistake. Somebody writing up the results was drunk (this is the U of A, after all). Or dyslexic (again, U of A).
2. I'm not putting much credo in this study since U of A is pretty much only good for getting a tan during winter semester and keg stands. Certainly not their scientific studies.
3. Even if this is true, I would still sooner eat a Dorito that's fallen from my mouth onto my desk than from the rim of a toilet seat. (Although to be clear, I don't see myself eating Doritos at the same time I'm standing in front of the toilet. But moving on.)
   

Other interesting points from the article include:

• Dirtiest work spaces come from: teachers, than accountants, then bankers. WTF? What is an accountant doing that's so unsanitary? Any accountant or banker out there who wishes to jump in here, feel free.
• The kitchen (and not the bathroom) has the most germs of any room in the house (this actually isn't that much of a surprise to me). Sponges and dishcloths are the worst, followed by sink drains, faucet handles and doorknobs.
  
• This same U of A study found fecal bacteria in office candy bowls. Now, I'm sorta hoping that they only studied office candy bowls at the U of A (because to me that would make sense).
• Women are more likely than men to use the 5-second rule.
  

Something To Live For

I registered for the Fox TV/KFC sweepstakes * to win a year's supply of the KFC Variety Big Box Meal, which, as far as I can tell is some popcorn chicken,** a leg, breast, buscuit, mash potatoes and gravy, cole slaw, and a chicken strip.

A year's supply people. I don't even know what that means exactly, except when I filled out the online form, I indicated that I eat at KFC 5-8 times a month (which is smart, because had I entered 1-2, that would mean that when I win I'd probably only get the Big Box Meal 1-2 times a month. I know - sometimes I agree that I'm wasting my potential in PR.)

When I win this thing next week, things are really going to change for me, I can feel it.

* Don't even think about it. This bitch is mine. Except for Richard - you can and should register too.
** I use this term loosely.

You Can Lighten Up With The Attitude, Sweetheart...

...You're a goddamned barista, not a fucking surgeon. 'Cuz if you want, I can really give you something to roll your eyes about.

Oh, the joyous Sunday morning trip the the local coffee shop. Honestly, I try to relax and keep things casual - it is Sunday morning after all - but sometimes people make it so difficult, like the above mentioned barista. Then , there's these people:

• Is it really such a struggle to throw on a pair of pants - even sweatpants if you must - to go out for a cup of coffee? I don't care that its Sunday morning, but pajamas in public is just not appropriate. You're an adult, and your snowflake pajamas are not cute. They're pathetic.
• I know its a bit crowded in here, but since when does getting up to fetch my coffee while leaving my barely-eaten pound cake at the table mean that you can take my seat? Yeah, I always buy a pastry, take a bite of it, then get up to leave the shop, douchebag.
  
• Richard spotted his first pair of Crocs for the year, a mere two days into the warm(er) weather. What's worst is that they were baby blue, worn with socks. On a dude.

The Sky Is Falling

Folks, is this really such a big deal? C'mon now, settle down. Are people really worried about this? Y2K my ass.

Are we just so obsessed about making shit up to worry about that we're blowing this out of proportion?

Or, is it that there's so much real shit in the world to be worried about, that we'd rather mask it with stupid crap like this, to make us feel less depressed?

When you get to work on Monday morning, go into your computer's settings and manually move the clock back an hour. Done. Get over it, people.

God forbid we should actually freak out about something that matters, like if I should go see "300" or "The Host" this weekend.

Turn It Up Fridays

It feels like spring is finally here today, with the temps expected to get into the (drumroll) high 40s - the warmest day of the year so far. To quote from the Scissor Sisters, "It Can't Come Quickly Enough."

It is great to see the snow melting, but the downside is all the crap that's been lost and buried under the snowpiles for the last three months. Like the dishrag, dog shit and leather gloves I saw at various spots along the sidewalks on the way to work this morning.

Album cover of the day: Millie Jackson "E.S.P." I guess I have juggs on the brain. I blame it on Sunday's Chocolate Mannequin.

Songs you should be listening to today: I'm in a covers mood - the fine mellow acoustic version of "Hey Ya" by Mat Weddle of the band Obadiah Parker; "Comfortably Numb" by the Scissor Sisters and "Even Here We Are" by Shawn Colvin.

Tonight Richard, Dop, Kevin and I are going to the Scissor Sisters concert at the Riv. Juicy sweet, y'all.

I'm Going Big Time

Type: www.thecherryride.com into your browser's address bar. Go ahead. Do it.

Pretty sweet, huh?

Now if I can just figure out how to reverse it so that my regular web address becomes thecherryride.com instead of cherryride.blogspot.com.

Because once that happens, then, you know, life will be complete and I'll be, like, awesome and everything.

Blog Cloud

This is my blog cloud, or the words most often written on Cherry Ride (apparently). I'm posting it only because I have nothing else to post, and I needed to get something on here to replace the Chocolate Mannequin.

I know, you're thrilled.

Have a good day.

Chocolate Mannequin

In my daily Craigslist furniture trolling (yes, it's a problem), I found this ad for "Chocolate Female Manneqin" complete with photos, one of which is included above.

Let me just reiterate that this ad was in the furniture section. You can find the ad here, but be warned it isn't really safe for work:

Soooo many questions about this one, such as:

1. What is this mannequin used for exactly - modeling shoes (as the photo's background would suggest)?
   
2. And if so, what's with the size of her juggs (sorry, but I believe in this case it is entirely appropriate to refer to them as juggs)?
   
3. Is it really necessary for the current owner to flash her breasts like this?
4. What kinds of things did the current owner do with this mannequin, besides, of course, use her to model shoes?
5. Why would one manufacture a mannequin with juggs like this, if it is only to model clothing and shoes?
6. If you were to manufacture a mannequin with such interesting and anatomical features, wouldn't you also maybe go through the trouble of giving it a head of hair so that it wouldn't need a wig in the first place?
7. What do you think makes it a "must see" (as the ad title states)? Is there more than what we already see from the photos?
8. Do you think there's anything interesting beneath the skirt? Is that perhaps what makes it a "must see"?
9. Who would buy this?
10. Creepy*

* OK, number 10 isn't really a question, but still - creepy.

Turn It Up Fridays

Even though I called in sick to work on Monday, this has been one of the longest work weeks ever. Christ, I just want to get out of here.

And since it is practically blizzarding outside, all I really want to do is get out of here and get under the covers.Album cover of the day: LuLu Roman "Now Let Me Sing". So many questions on this one. Who isn't letting her sing? And why? And isn't the question coming a bit late - you obviously ARE already singing since you've put out an album. Maybe Lulu should have titled her album "Now Buy My Album" which probably would have been a better request seeing that I don't think anybody did. But hey, at least is is warm wherever LuLu (and her muumuu) is.

Song you should be listening to today: "Relax (Take It Easy) by Mika.

Today's Top 10 is: "Top 10 Cure song titles that describe how I feel about the snow today (considering it was 49 degrees last night and I was ready to pack the parka away for the year)":

1. Prayers for Rain
   
2. I'm Cold
3. Stop Dead
   
4. Shiver and Shake
5. Grinding Halt
6. Lament
   
7. Boys Don't Cry
8. Dredd Song
9. Out of Mind
10. Torture
    

Cable TV: A Love Story

So Richard and I moved into our new apartment a few weeks ago and had been going without TV until we brought one back from DC last weekend. We hadn't yet signed up for cable so imagine our surprise when, just for fun, we connected the cable in the living room to the TV and found that we did indeed have cable - all glorious close-to-100 channels - coming out of our TV.

It sorta felt like Christmas. I think I actually did the happy dance. It also sorta felt naughty, because we were getting cable service without actually paying for it (just like the wireless internet service, which we seem to be freeloading off of somebody in our building, but that's another topic). We quickly surmised that we were just getting the last remaining days of service from the person who lived in the apartment before us, who we figure is probably paid through the end of February.

I have lived - successfully I might add - without cable TV since December of 2005. That's about 14 months of cable-free living. I was OK with this; I felt I was living a relatively normal, well-adjusted life. Sure, occasionally I would hear something about some cable reality TV show everyone else was watching/talking about (exactly who is this "New York" chick who has her own VH-1 show??) but overall I didn't feel I was missing out.

But now that we have it - and, for the moment, free - I'm pretty frickin' excited. Last night I stayed up to watch I rerun of "Top Design" not because I needed to see the ending (I already saw it at Dop's the week before), but more because it was a cable TV program that was coming out of my television set in my living room. It's been a long time since that happened. Very surreal, y'all.

Anyway, as it is the beginning of a new month (and billing cycle), I'm a bit afraid of what will happen when we come home from work tonight and turn on the TV. Will we be greeted with static, or by the "The Daily Show"? The black screen of death or "House Hunters"? Will the lucky streak continue, or will the new-found pleasure that is cable TV be ripped from our bosoms?

Cross your fingers with ours, folks, because otherwise its going to be sometime in April before we scrounge together the cash to actually pay for cable service.