Monday, July 27, 2009

I Owe The City of Chicago Approx. $1,680 in Parking Tickets

This might come as a shock, but I can sometimes live in a state of denial. 

Here's a current example: Every July 1, the city issues a new parking permit sticker and a resident has a 2-week window - until July 15th - to purchase the new permit and stick it to his/her car windshield before the cops start passing out tickets. 

Then there's me, who thinks that because I'm leaving Chicago in mid-August I won't bother buying the new permit. I mean, why pay the $75 for an annual sticker that I'll only need for 4 weeks? 

So like clockwork, July 15th rolls around and I go out to my car and lo & behold there's a ticket - a $120 ticket - on my windshield. I curse, put the ticket in my glove compartment and go about my day. The next day, I go out to my car and lo & behold there's a $120 ticket on my windshield. You see where this is going.

Damn, I think. Maybe my strategy for flying under the radar and quietly slipping out of the city with neither a '09-'10 sticker nor tickets should be re-thought.

"Well duh," a friend of mine told me that day. "How do you think the city makes its money? Off the fines from idiots like you who are too lazy to get their stickers on time." 

But before I had the chance to buy a new sticker - you know, because these days I am so busy - I racked up a crapload of these bitches. Last Tuesday, in fact - I got three - three! - because I'd been driving around and parking in different parts of the city. That's $360 worth of ticket fines on one day alone. 

At the City Clerk Office I told the woman I was moving in a month and because of this, was there some kind of temporary or prorated sticker I could buy instead? "Nuh-uh" she said. "We don't do that here."

Law-abiding citizens would pay their tickets. 

I may not be one of those people. 

Instead, I'm thinking of making cute little origami swans out of them, then passing them out as party favors at my going away party next month.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Is This Thing On?

With Operation G.O.N.A.D.S. in full swing, last night I attended my friend Katy's Movieoke Night at the Whistler with my friend Jason.

Katy has been running Movieoke there for several months, as a fundraiser for her Vintage Theater Collective, and it is a kick in the pants. For those of you living in Chicago, you should check it out next time (Here's the Facebook page for it.)

In the past I've done scenes from Airplane ("I like my coffee black, like my men"), Good Will Hunting ("How ya like them apples?"), and the sweet American Psycho "Huey Lewis" monologue.

To say I brought the house down with any of my renditions would be, well, a slight exaggeration.

Anyway, last night I did the answering machine scene from Swingers (see it here). Before it started, I told the crowd I was dedicating my scene to my friend Jason, "who will always be the Vince Vaughn to my Jon Favreau." 

Dead silence. 

"Really? That's all I get?"

Dead silence.

[Me tapping the microphone.] Umm, is this thing on?

Screw you, self-important Whistler hipsters.