Monday, March 26, 2007

Is It Wrong?

...That it is only late March and I'm already longing for the cool, comforting weather that only the Fall can bring?

Yeah, I thought so too.

Not only am I
not ready for warm temperatures, I'm kinda wishing they won't come at all. Do I not deserve a Spring this year?

OK, I'll shut up now.

PS - Per my last entry, I'm still on a "break." I just couldn't stay away, is all....

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Phoning It In

Although I try to write a few times a week, sometimes I just can't muster up the energy.
So instead of just phoning it in (kinda like yesterday's post), I'm gonna just take a little vacation for a few days. Nothing big. I'll still be around, just not here on the Ride.


Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Paul Poon

I got this email into my work inbox from Paul Poon. (Yeah, that's right, Paul Poon.)
Can anyone translate from Chinese? Because I'm dying to know what this email from Mr. Poon is about - surely some awesome investment opportunity being made available by Poon only for me. Which I think could be cool because until this email, I hadn't even known about Paul Poon.

I'm particularly interested in the stuff written by Poon in red.

How can I respond to Poon if I don't understand what he's offering? I really feel as though this is could be a great offer from Paul Poon. Sigh. I suppose I will just have to cross my fingers and hope that I receive another message - this time in English - from Poon.

PS - I'm just going to guess that in a day or so if you type in the words "Paul Poon" into your search engine, this blog entry will come up. Or maybe even the word "Poon." Because that would, you know, be like, awesome.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Monte Cristo

I've hardly ever met a sandwich I didn't like. But have you ever had a Monte Cristo?

Last night Richard, Loaf and I went to the Melrose Diner for dinner. I couldn't make up my mind from the large sandwich selection, so feeling pressure to order I chose the Monte Cristo. I had never had one before, but the menu description read that it had ham, turkey and cheese - what's not to like about that?

Apparently I didn't read the description hard enough because That shit has french toast for bread. Huh? Tasting ham, cheese, turkey and sweet custard-like bread all in the same mouthful is kinda a gross turnoff. It came with a side of maple syrup, for chrissakes.

If I wanted a McGriddle sandwich (also gross), I would have gone to McDonald's and saved myself a few bucks.

Moral of the story: avoid the Monte Cristo.

* However, that did not stop me from eating half of it last night, then the other half for lunch today.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Five Second Rule

Candy on the floor of the kitchen: do you eat it?

How many of you use the five second rule when it applies to dropped food?

For me, it depends on: 1) what kind of food it was, and; 2) how hungry I am. I'm more likely to pick up an M&M than a slice of cucumber. I guess a third factor would be what the food fell onto. Floor of the kitchen -
sure, no problem. Floor of the movie theater - no thanks. (Even if it was an M&M.)

I read an article this weekend from the Tribune about dirty surfaces. According to a study from the U of Arizona, it turns out your office desk is 400 times dirtier than the average toilet seat. Couple things here:
  1. That has to be a mistake. Somebody writing up the results was drunk (this is the U of A, after all). Or dyslexic (again, U of A).
  2. I'm not putting much credo in this study since U of A is pretty much only good for getting a tan during winter semester and keg stands. Certainly not their scientific studies.
  3. Even if this is true, I would still sooner eat a Dorito that's fallen from my mouth onto my desk than from the rim of a toilet seat. (Although to be clear, I don't see myself eating Doritos at the same time I'm standing in front of the toilet. But moving on.)
Other interesting points from the article include:
  • Dirtiest work spaces come from: teachers, than accountants, then bankers. WTF? What is an accountant doing that's so unsanitary? Any accountant or banker out there who wishes to jump in here, feel free.
  • The kitchen (and not the bathroom) has the most germs of any room in the house (this actually isn't that much of a surprise to me). Sponges and dishcloths are the worst, followed by sink drains, faucet handles and doorknobs.
  • This same U of A study found fecal bacteria in office candy bowls. Now, I'm sorta hoping that they only studied office candy bowls at the U of A (because to me that would make sense).
  • Women are more likely than men to use the 5-second rule.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Something To Live For

I registered for the Fox TV/KFC sweepstakes * to win a year's supply of the KFC Variety Big Box Meal, which, as far as I can tell is some popcorn chicken,** a leg, breast, buscuit, mash potatoes and gravy, cole slaw, and a chicken strip.

A year's supply people. I don't even know what that means exactly, except when I filled out the online form, I indicated that I eat at KFC 5-8 times a month (which is smart, because had I entered 1-2, that would mean that when I win I'd probably only get the Big Box Meal 1-2 times a month. I know - sometimes I agree that I'm wasting my potential in PR.)

When I win this thing next week, things are really going to change for me, I can feel it.

* Don't even think about it. This bitch is mine. Except for Richard - you can and should register too.
** I use this term loosely.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

You Can Lighten Up With The Attitude, Sweetheart...

...You're a goddamned barista, not a fucking surgeon. 'Cuz if you want, I can really give you something to roll your eyes about.

Oh, the joyous Sunday morning trip the the local coffee shop. Honestly, I try to relax and keep things casual - it is Sunday morning after all - but sometimes people make it so difficult, like the above mentioned barista. Then , there's these people:

  • Is it really such a struggle to throw on a pair of pants - even sweatpants if you must - to go out for a cup of coffee? I don't care that its Sunday morning, but pajamas in public is just not appropriate. You're an adult, and your snowflake pajamas are not cute. They're pathetic.
  • I know its a bit crowded in here, but since when does getting up to fetch my coffee while leaving my barely-eaten pound cake at the table mean that you can take my seat? Yeah, I always buy a pastry, take a bite of it, then get up to leave the shop, douchebag.
  • Richard spotted his first pair of Crocs for the year, a mere two days into the warm(er) weather. What's worst is that they were baby blue, worn with socks. On a dude.

Friday, March 09, 2007

The Sky Is Falling

Folks, is this really such a big deal? C'mon now, settle down. Are people really worried about this? Y2K my ass.

Are we just so obsessed about making shit up to worry about that we're blowing this out of proportion?

Or, is it that there's so much real shit in the world to be worried about, that we'd rather mask it with stupid crap like this, to make us feel less depressed?

When you get to work on Monday morning, go into your computer's settings and manually move the clock back an hour. Done. Get over it, people.

God forbid we should actually freak out about something that matters, like if I should go see "300" or "The Host" this weekend.

Turn It Up Fridays

It feels like spring is finally here today, with the temps expected to get into the (drumroll) high 40s - the warmest day of the year so far. To quote from the Scissor Sisters, "It Can't Come Quickly Enough."

It is great to see the snow melting, but the downside is all the crap that's been lost and buried under the snowpiles for the last three months. Like the dishrag, dog shit and leather gloves I saw at various spots along the sidewalks on the way to work this morning.

Album cover of the day: Millie Jackson "E.S.P." I guess I have juggs on the brain. I blame it on Sunday's Chocolate Mannequin.

Songs you should be listening to today: I'm in a covers mood - the fine mellow acoustic version of "Hey Ya" by Mat Weddle of the band Obadiah Parker; "Comfortably Numb" by the Scissor Sisters and "Even Here We Are" by Shawn Colvin.

Tonight Richard, Dop, Kevin and I are going to the Scissor Sisters concert at the Riv. Juicy sweet, y'all.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I'm Going Big Time

Type: into your browser's address bar. Go ahead. Do it.

Pretty sweet, huh?

Now if I can just figure out how to reverse it so that my regular web address becomes instead of

Because once that happens, then, you know, life will be complete and I'll be, like, awesome and everything.

Blog Cloud

This is my blog cloud, or the words most often written on Cherry Ride (apparently). I'm posting it only because I have nothing else to post, and I needed to get something on here to replace the Chocolate Mannequin.

I know, you're thrilled.

Have a good day.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Chocolate Mannequin

In my daily Craigslist furniture trolling (yes, it's a problem), I found this ad for "Chocolate Female Manneqin" complete with photos, one of which is included above.

Let me just reiterate that this ad was in the furniture section. You can find the ad here, but be warned it isn't really safe for work:

Soooo many questions about this one, such as:

  1. What is this mannequin used for exactly - modeling shoes (as the photo's background would suggest)?
  2. And if so, what's with the size of her juggs (sorry, but I believe in this case it is entirely appropriate to refer to them as juggs)?
  3. Is it really necessary for the current owner to flash her breasts like this?
  4. What kinds of things did the current owner do with this mannequin, besides, of course, use her to model shoes?
  5. Why would one manufacture a mannequin with juggs like this, if it is only to model clothing and shoes?
  6. If you were to manufacture a mannequin with such interesting and anatomical features, wouldn't you also maybe go through the trouble of giving it a head of hair so that it wouldn't need a wig in the first place?
  7. What do you think makes it a "must see" (as the ad title states)? Is there more than what we already see from the photos?
  8. Do you think there's anything interesting beneath the skirt? Is that perhaps what makes it a "must see"?
  9. Who would buy this?
  10. Creepy*
* OK, number 10 isn't really a question, but still - creepy.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Turn It Up Fridays

Even though I called in sick to work on Monday, this has been one of the longest work weeks ever. Christ, I just want to get out of here.

And since it is practically blizzarding outside, all I really want to do is get out of here and get under the covers.Album cover of the day: LuLu Roman "Now Let Me Sing". So many questions on this one. Who isn't letting her sing? And why? And isn't the question coming a bit late - you obviously ARE already singing since you've put out an album. Maybe Lulu should have titled her album "Now Buy My Album" which probably would have been a better request seeing that I don't think anybody did. But hey, at least is is warm wherever LuLu (and her muumuu) is.

Song you should be listening to today: "Relax (Take It Easy) by Mika.

Today's Top 10 is: "Top 10 Cure song titles that describe how I feel about the snow today (considering it was 49 degrees last night and I was ready to pack the parka away for the year)":

  1. Prayers for Rain
  2. I'm Cold
  3. Stop Dead
  4. Shiver and Shake
  5. Grinding Halt
  6. Lament
  7. Boys Don't Cry
  8. Dredd Song
  9. Out of Mind
  10. Torture

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Cable TV: A Love Story

So Richard and I moved into our new apartment a few weeks ago and had been going without TV until we brought one back from DC last weekend. We hadn't yet signed up for cable so imagine our surprise when, just for fun, we connected the cable in the living room to the TV and found that we did indeed have cable - all glorious close-to-100 channels - coming out of our TV.

It sorta felt like Christmas. I think I actually did the happy dance. It also sorta felt naughty, because we were getting cable service without actually paying for it (just like the wireless internet service, which we seem to be freeloading off of somebody in our building, but that's another topic). We quickly surmised that we were just getting the last remaining days of service from the person who lived in the apartment before us, who we figure is probably paid through the end of February.

I have lived - successfully I might add - without cable TV since December of 2005. That's about 14 months of cable-free living. I was OK with this; I felt I was living a relatively normal, well-adjusted life. Sure, occasionally I would hear something about some cable reality TV show everyone else was watching/talking about (exactly who is this "New York" chick who has her own VH-1 show??) but overall I didn't feel I was missing out.

But now that we have it - and, for the moment, free - I'm pretty frickin' excited. Last night I stayed up to watch I rerun of "Top Design" not because I needed to see the ending (I already saw it at
Dop's the week before), but more because it was a cable TV program that was coming out of my television set in my living room. It's been a long time since that happened. Very surreal, y'all.

Anyway, as it is the beginning of a new month (and billing cycle), I'm a bit afraid of what will happen when we come home from work tonight and turn on the TV. Will we be greeted with static, or by the "The Daily Show"? The black screen of death or "House Hunters"? Will the lucky streak continue, or will the new-found pleasure that is cable TV be ripped from our bosoms?

Cross your fingers with ours, folks, because otherwise its going to be sometime in April before we scrounge together the cash to actually
pay for cable service.

I Don't Wanna Know

I've been a bit out of it these last few days. My mood has not been good, and my psyche is a bit... fragile. There's a lot of depressing/potentially depressing stuff going on in the world that I really don't want to know about. To read up on them would likely send my sensitive frame of mind into a deep depression.

  • I don't want to know that the stock markets took a deep plunge the other day and many fear a recession is on the way. When you work in my field, any hint of "recession" means "unemployment."
  • I don't want to know that the Lincoln Park Zoo, as well as the Sears Tower, are potential terrorist targets.
  • I don't want to know that the threat of a dirty bomb is more dire than we all would like to think.
  • I don't want to know that there are abandoned nuclear weapon sites in former Soviet countries that are non-secure and just waiting for some crazies to come steal some bombs.
  • I don't want to know that I'm so out of shape that I practically break into a sweat just by walking to the train stop each day.
I don't want to know any of these things, since I don't need any more stress in my life. Besides, I've got to finish this report for a client and can't be bothered.