In the Passenger Seat - Classy & Fancy

Hello pretties:

In the first in the "passenger seat" guest blogging series, my pal Classy & Fancy is here to post something to replace that ridiculous "Gone Fishin'" cat photo that has been mastheading for far too long, and explain what I've been up to these last few weeks.

Just a few words about Classy - besides being funny and charming, she also shares my love of interpretive dance and the word "ointment." She's got Mad Skillz, y'all.

Now, I know this goes without saying, but this creation is outstanding work because it addresses three things of great importance to me: Aquaman, Burger King, and sharting.

Thanks to everyone so far who has volunteered for guest blogging duties while I enjoy my extended leave. Thanks to many of you, I think I've got enough volunteers to keep this blog alive before readership continues its sad spiral to zero.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Taking Some Time Off (Again)

[I dislike cats, btw.]

Instead of simply ignoring it or having people e-mail me with "where the hell are you" - type things, I wanted to let you know that I'll be taking (at least) a few days off from the [C]R. It's not like I haven't done it before.

However, I am happy to instate a guest blogging feature during my absence, although last time I suggested it, it went over like a lead balloon. But, like last time, if you're interested you can shoot me an e-mail (you can find it in my profile). I'll even let you decide on the topic, but if you are in need of ideas, there's always:

• The new Crowded House album (of course it is awesome)
• The new Harry Potter movie (saw it last night and it was really great. If you have the chance to see it in 3-D like Richard and I did last night, definitely do it)
• Just how shitty the Bush Administration is (like anybody needs proof, but read this article and it will likely make your blood boil)
• Sharting
• How ridiculous word verification in Blogger can be:

[I think this spells "Go Fuck Yourself, Blogger."]

Peace Out.

O Happy Day

Today "Time on Earth" the new Crowded House album goes on sale in the US. Those of you elsewhere in the world who've been listening to it for at least a week already, don't ruin the ending for me.

In other news, Richard scored two free tickets to the new Harry Potter movie tonight at the IMAX at Navy Pier. Sweet. Recap tomorrow.

Air conditioning still down in the office today. Fuck.

Sweat Shop

I don't got much to say today, except that it is 92 degrees outside and the air conditioner in the office is broke. It is probably 90 degrees here at my desk. I started sweating around 9:30 and now I'm getting kinda pissed off.

Add to that the fact that I've been drinking lemon water with cheyenne pepper + a warm herbal tea (the things I do for this cleansing diet).

In the past, I've worked at places that would let me work from home under these conditions. But I guess those days are looong gone. It's not like we're curing cancer here. How about a little break?

Can I sue my employer over this? I'd love a nice settlement that would allow me to take the rest of the year off.

UPDATE: It is now 3:40 and I'm still here and still really really hot. This is bullshit.

Live Earth

Tomorrow is the Live Earth Concert Event, expected to bring together more than 2 billion people to raise awareness of global warming.

While I tend to be a bit jaded about concerts expected to raise awareness and money, you have to be impressed with the lineup and scale of this -- 24 hours of music, more than 100 bands, across all 7 continents (apparently, there will be a group of scientists in Antarctica who will be, I assume, playing music). No matter your political or personal beliefs, I think this is something everyone can/should get behind so even if you don't watch, take a minute to get (more) educated and/or donate a little dinero.

I probably won't get the chance to watch much or any of it, but MSN has a LiveEarth website set up, where you will be able to download and stream all or parts of it. They've got a kinda scary promo for it here. (They also have an article on the 10 shows that will rock, but, please - Smashing Pumpkins and Wolfmother will suck [SP because they're horrible live, and Wolfmother because, well, they're horribly overrated]).

Somehow, my tickets to either the the London or Sydney gigs didn't show up (which is too bad, esp. for the Sydney show because Crowded House will be there), so I'll need to live vicariously through those on my blogroll already going.

[Look at how yummy Neil is. Even now that he's old.]

I Have A New Master

As I mentioned Tuesday, I have started the "Master Cleanser" (referred to only as the "Master" moving forward) fast. Richard too. I promise not to write about it too often (mostly because I don't want the [C]R to be - in the concerned comment from Recken Roll* - all about "boobs and poop." Whatever.).

I was originally planning to start it on the Greatest Country on the Planet's Liberation Day (yesterday), but Richard talked me out of it with a little common sense, stating that a national holiday is essentially an excuse to eat or drink anything you want, so why waste it? He made a strong argument, but I know it was mostly for selfish reasons -- he had a bunch of Stellas in the fridge and he needed an excuse to drink as many of them as possible.

The Master officially started last night, with a laxative tea nightcap (niiice). Followed this morning by 20 ounces of the cleaning lemonade - a little lemon juice, a little maple syrup, a tiny little bit of cayenne pepper and lots of water. This will be my breakfast, lunch and dinner for at least the next 10 days. (Please try to contain your jealousy.) There will also be herbal laxative tea and non-iodized salt elixirs thrown in periodically just to "mix things up." 'Cuz I roll like dat.

I also went threw the cupboards and fridge and threw out a bunch of food items that would only cause temptation over the next several days. That hurt a little bit.

I've also mapped out all the toilets along my 25-minute bike ride to/from work each day, in case, you know, nature calls. Thank god there's that Starbucks and North & Wells about halfway through my route. And again at Franklin & Chicago Aves.

This is probably going to get really ugly before it gets pretty, folks.

* Recken Roll is apparently going to Live Earth too. Bitch.

Tuesday List

Since everyone seems to be all about the list today/yesterday, and I fold to peer pressure like, well, [insert the name of that kid in high school who did everything that everyone else did], this is mine for today:

1. Of the bat, let me state I pretty much have nothing to say today, but don't want Friday's post about [mammaries] to be at the top of my blog.
   
2. (BTW, my idea about not blogging about them is not helping to keep the crazy pervs away - this weekend was like the worst ever for google searches. But whatever.)
3. I could not be any less excited about 4th of July. Of all the Tier 2 holidays, July 4th is the lamest. While the rest of the city watches the fireworks from Grant Park, I'll be inside with the windows closed watching Bravo or hopefully a Charm School marathon or whatever.
   
4. However, if there's a midnight showing of Transformers tonight, then Richard and I (and hopefully LP and Niner - although he doesn't know it yet) are going. You didn't realize I was a Transformers fan? Well, I'm not (I've honestly never even seen an episode), but it is something to do.
5. Speaking of something to do, tomorrow I'm starting "The Master Cleanser" liquid fast. It should be 10 days of liquid hell, but hopefully I'll come out the other end a bit healthier, leaner, and with better bowels (and after last weekend's sharting incident, who wouldn't?). And now that I've mentioned it in this blog I pretty much have to do it or you'll know that I'm really a quitter. I'm looking forward to this cleansing the way I look forward to a trip to the dentist. Which is to say, not really at all, although the end result should be good. So over the next 10 days you can look forward to a few posts about how fucking miserable I am. Why should I suffer alone?
   
6. Everyone else in the world starting today can enjoy the release of the new Crowded House album, "Time on Earth." Except in America, 'cuz we're retards. We don't get it until next Tuesday. As I've mentioned before, the idea of a brand new CH album gets me so excited that I'll likely need to take the day off from work on Tuesday, or wear Depends. Or maybe both.
   
7. Am I the only person working today? Yeah, I thought so too.
8. If by Saturday I'm still alive (thanks to the above mentioned Master Cleanser fast), I plan to do this.
9. Excitement in our apartment building last night. A couple on the 12th floor had a fight and one of them started throwing out the other guy's shit from the 12th floor window all into the street. It was classic. Like, I thought that shit only happens in commercials. But there was clothing, electronic items and other personal effects being launched into the sky from above us (Richard and I watched it all from our 8th floor window) and onto the sidewalk and, unfortunately for some poor car owners, onto the hoods of cars and through windshields. And then not one but five cop cars showed up. The gays can be so dramatic.
   
10. Every list should go to ten, even though I have nothing else to say.