Wednesday, August 08, 2007

In the Passenger's Seat - Recken Roll

Today's guest blogger is my friend Recken Roll, coming to us all the way from London. Recken and I sat side-by-side together during my working stint there two years ago. I knew we would be friends when she took me out for "dirty Indian" the first of my many late nights there, sent me links to Blagg Blog, and dared me to race her through SoHo, me on foot, her in a rickshaw (long story). I won of course.


However, she failed to tell me that one of my favorite drinks - lager and lime - is actually a "chick drink" and when I told her the exciting story of how I met Jessica Alba in a Carnaby Street shoe store, her only reaction was "So what did you buy?" (She was jealous.)


I begged her to write about something that didn't involve me, but that can be so difficult, given the temptation of such great subject matter. So I take no responsibility for the text that appears below, which was not edited by me in any way...


So to get right to it, The [Cherry] Ride and I spent a lot of time together in London – six quality weeks of sitting just 2 feet away from each other is bound to bring you closer together, right?

We also spent a lot of time in the pub and during those special hours wallowing at the bottom of a pint glass, we had several deep and meaningful conversations. I got to know our friend Cherry pretty well and was often surprised to learn that he had lived such an interesting life for someone so young. I know they always say “what happens at the pub stays at the pub”, but some of this is just too good. Therefore, I’d like to introduce you all to The [Cherry] Ride that I know and love…

ThTop 10 Things You DON’T KNOW About The [Cherry] Ride
All of the facts below are based on one conversation or another I had with Cherry before he left London. *Some* of the details have been filled in from fuzzy drunken memories but dear readers, you should know that all of these are based in truth…even if some of these CherryRide wishes weren’t true:

  1. The [Cherry] Ride can beat me at arm wrestling…even when I cheat.
  2. In his early youth, The [Cherry] Ride was one of Madonna’s favorite club dancers. (He worked the cage at the Limelight in NYC where Madge would scout for new talent.) He was even slated to be “dancer on the left” in the Vogue video. Unfortunately, their love affair ended when he stormed out after she refused to let him pop it and lock it during rehearsals. Famous last words as he left the studio: “Vogue is so gay.”
  3. Following his failed dance career, The [Cherry] Ride moved to Washington D.C. After several years of hard work, he was actually on track to become the top secret service agent to the president…until he sharted in the Oval Office.
  4. The [Cherry] Ride now lives in Chicago where he is currently writing an auto-biographical screenplay about his troubled youth. I’ve seen an early draft and it’s a beautiful tale of a young man and his personal journey of self-discovery. Although, last I heard, the working title was “Helen Mirren’s Boobs: Proper!"
  5. The [Cherry] Ride often goes shoe shopping with Jessica Alba. He may or may not be the reason she broke up with Cash Warren. (I really can’t discuss the details.)
  6. Because of The [Cherry] Ride, all McDonald's in Chicago have a size even larger than the super-size. It’s not on the menu, but when ordering, just ask to be "CherrySized." You’ll get a ginormous burger plus 2 orders of fries, an apple pie and a side of pancakes.
  7. The [Cherry] Ride once auditioned for American Idol but he walked out of the audition in tears after Paula Abdul crawled over the desk and started licking him and meowing. He never did get to do the robot on national television but it’s still a dream he keeps alive. (The lawsuit against American Idol is pending.)
  8. The [Cherry] Ride once dressed like a giant panda for Halloween. No, seriously. There is photographic evidence. I can’t make this shit up.
  9. As many of you know, the [Cherry] Ride collaborates with Dr. Ken, Classy and 5of9er to form the Liars Club. What you may now know is that this is not their first time writing together. They also all share writing credits for “Shake Your BonBon.” That’s right, The [Cherry] Ride is the proud owner of a Latin Grammy AND 2 pairs of leather pants.
  10. The [Cherry] Ride is filthy gorgeous.

15 comments:

Mighty Dyckerson said...

11. When the Cherry Ride is too damn lazy to write his own post, he suckers a friend into doing it for him.

Mr. Shain said...

i was enthralled and astonished by your colorful life until i got to #10 and realized the whole thing was bullshit.

Catherinette Singleton said...

I never knew that he was so popular. Hey, tough break about the Madonna video.

Alison said...

Is there a CherrySized breakfast option? Because I would love a triple bacon egg and cheese biscuit...or something euqally artery clogging.

Julie_Gong said...

I believe all those except for #1.

minijonb said...

what... you didn't include any giant panda suit photos? i call bs on that!

5 of 9er said...

I've been CherrySized... it's fantastic.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I need to stop drinking. This is the first I'm hearing about my part in Shake Your Bon-Bon.

It's not the first time I've gone on a bender and written a song for a Latin heart-throb. Probably won't be the last either.

blythe said...

i believe all of it. except for the part where owns only two pairs of leather pants. nice try.

Jenny! said...

Your filthy gorgeous and you get cherrysizing! Cool!

Kadonkadonk said...

Where the hell did you all find jobs in London and how do I get on that gravy train?

captain corky said...

"The [Cherry] Ride once dressed like a giant panda for Halloween."

I've got to see this pic, and it sounds like The [Cherry] Ride has lived a very fulfilling life so far.

Loaf said...

I've seen the dance moves, and they're just too good for TV; the world just is not ready for that yet.

And yes, filthy gorgeous. Absolutely.


Disclaimer: I make these comments of my own free will, and Miss Recken waving her wine glass wildly and screaming "comment on my post" had nothing to do with it.

ReckenRoll said...

I swear its all the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...

Course, I was pretty loaded most of the time.

classyandfancy said...

Damn it Dr. Ken! No one is supposed to know about Menudo!