This Week on VH1

You might think that I watch a lot of TV. VH1 specifically. Not true - I just run a treadmill at the gym for 20+ minutes. That's pretty much all it takes to keep up with America's favorite cable adult contemporary music video channel.

Only two things worth pointing out this week, really:

Maroon 5 - "Won't Go Home Without You"

Lame song.

Bad haircut, Adam (still!).

But nice pants. O so very nice pants.

Sara Bareilles - "Love Song"

I have to say I think I'm in love with Sara Bareilles. Have you seen this video? She's just so damn cute.

She's the ultimate girl next door. When I see this video, I envision her living in the apartment across the hall. She'd be the neighbor that plays piano and bakes in her spare time. Too busy for a boyfriend. We'd become friendly and she'd occasionally bring over cupcakes or have me sample a new casserole recipe she's working on.

One night she'd come over and we'd watch something on Bravo or HGTV and have a bottle of wine and then she'd say something funny and suddenly I'd lean over and kiss her and she'd jump up from the couch saying "But I thought you were supposed to be gay!" and I'd fumble and say "But I think I'm in love with you!" and "But you're on my List*!" and she'd leave in a hurry and then it would be awkward for a few days and we'd avoid each other in the building and then she'd make it big and move to LA, and then a few years would go by and she'd be in town and invite me to her show and then backstage afterwards we'd joke about that one night I kissed her and we'd laugh and then all would be cool because, you know, she'd be like that.

* The "List" is of the women many Gays Would go Straight For (in my case): Jessica Alba, Jennifer Aniston, Cate Blanchett, Rachel Weisz, sometimes Natalie Portman and now Sara Bareilles.

Howard Baldwin Trophy

I stole this from Julie Gong yesterday (although I've also seen it someplace else I just don't remember where. And Niner's is here.).

This is my band - Howard Baldwin Trophy - and this is our new album "As It Was Before". We're playing the Empty Bottle in March, and you can catch us during our tour of the Mid-Atlantic States this Spring (provided, of course, that our drummer Horatio doesn't relapse).

Our first single, "I Think I Just Sharted (again)!" is getting a lot of critical buzz and there's talk of an appearance soon on Conan.

Things have been going great, actually. Pitchfork called our album "brave" and "experimentally commercial without pandering to general standards of decency or good taste" (I take this as a compliment). Plus, Maggie Gyllenhaal was photographed wearing one of our "I Think I Just Sharted at the Howard Baldwin Trophy show!" t-shirts on Gawker, and our flautist Nick is dating both Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Steve Aoki.

To create your own:

1. To get your band name, go here. The title of the entry is your band's name.
2. Next, go here to get the title of your album. The last four words of the very last quote is the name of your release.
3. Now go here. The third picture shown is your album cover. No cheating.

Things I Hate This Week

1. People Who Don't Know How to Ride the Escalator

Stand on the right, walk on the left. Why is it that everyone does not know this? Every night I go to class, all of which are on the 9th floor. The most convenient way to get there is via the escalator. Never - not once - have I been able to get to my destination quickly because of the idiots that stand on the left, blocking the flow of traffic.

Also, I transfer to the Blue Line train at the Clark/Lake stop, and there's an escalator to take you down to the platform. What is with the people who hear the train coming yet continue to stand there (on the left) and not hurry along? Do you not want to catch the approaching train? I just missed my connecting train last night because of some asshole who refused to move aside. Thanks, douchie!

2. Carnie Wilson

Carnie (nice name, btw) was on The Today Show (or rather that show that is on right after The Today Show) yesterday as a guest host or something, and they were talking about the Heath Ledger tragedy. Carnie's response: "He was so sexy."

Umm, really? This is our reaction to Heath Ledger's death 18 hours later? I'm embarrassed for her.

Also, why is she still fat? Didn't she get her stomach removed a few years ago?

3. Balsamic Vinegar Squirting in Your Eye

I was eating a salad yesterday, and goddamn if that shit doesn't hurt like a mother.

File Under: Supportive Friends

Set-up: I was talking to a friend about some concerns I have over working pretty much full time, managing my two classes this semester and getting an 'A' in both.

Me: "... and then there's Chemistry, which I think is going to be a real nightmare..."
Friend: "But aren't you just taking Basic Chemistry?"
Me: "..."

Thanks, asshole.

People Are Stupid 2008 (Pt. I)

So I am at Walgreens this morning on my way into work and something happened that reminded me that I hate most people because they're stupid.

I'm in line waiting for the next available cashier. There's also a person behind me waiting too. And then in strolls this older woman, in a hurry. She's nicely dressed, but she's wearing her sunglasses for chrissakes, like she's all cool. Mind you, it is a typical January grey day in Chicago, in fact it is snowing. Yet she's wearing her sunglasses. Indoors. When it is snowing outside. God, I hate that shit.

Anyway, she's acting like she's in this huge hurry and she begins walking straight up to the cashier. As she is doing that, she sees me standing at the opposite end and she asks, "Are you in line?" What a ridiculous question. Like I'm standing in Walgreens with a banana and a juice in my hand for my health or something. Just for shits and giggles. So I say, "Yes."

Then she says, "I just have to get cigarettes." Like if she doesn't get a god-damned Marlboro Light into her mouth at this very second, her insides are going to fall out or something.

So I say: "Well, I just have to get a banana. So..."

I'm not sure what she expected me to reply. "Oh, well then that case, then by all means cut in front of me -- your time is certainly more valuable than mine is! Plus, you're wearing your sunglasses inside on a cloudy day so obviously you are an important person."

She gives me this look like I'm the asshole in this situation and then waits her proper turn in line (or at least waits until I'm done. I can't really say if she tried the same story with the woman behind me but I don't think so.)

Swear to God, I hate people sometimes.

PS - this was written in the classic Holden Caulfield/Catcher in the Rye style. I hope you enjoyed.

This Week on VH1

Recently, several friends have mentioned how great those little monitors attached to their gym treadmills are because its the only way they get to watch bad cable TV shows.

I heartily agree. Just this morning I turned in and got a rundown on all the exciting things happening this week on VH1. So be sure to tune in.

Rock of Love II
One of my favorite shows from last year is back, although somehow this time around I can't muster the energy to watch it. The winner of last season, Jess, ditched Michaels for some guy here in Chicago. This is a shock to me because it really seemed like their love was real and going to last.

Anyway, it looks like Bret got a new headband this year (see attached photo), so you know, maybe it will be worth watching.


James Blunt is a Douche
So this morning the Top 20 Countdown is on and along comes the video for James Blunt's "Same Mistake." Have you seen this video? Its James Blunt walking around with the stupid video camera attached to chest or something filming his face as he whines and goes about his daily life.

Like we're all supposed to be so fucking interested in James Blunt that we'd choose to look at nothing but his ugly face for 4 minutes. Who makes videos like this? Answer: People who reeaaalllyyyy like themselves. I was forced to change the channel.

Scott Baio is Also a Douche
Chachi is back for a second season of "Scott Baio is 45 and..." to prove to the world yet again what an asshole he is (you know, in case you didn't figure that out from watching the first season).

Chachi has to be the only douche nugget alive to willingly star in a reality show that does nothing but reveal what a dipshit you are. This time around it looks like he's not only getting married (the horror!) but also, (gasp!) going to be a father! OMG, how can he possibly survive such a horrible fate?

There There Peyton...

I know you're sad.

But I think I can make you feel better.

Call me.

Anthem This, Wankers!

One of the first stores I hit when I arrived in London is my favorite music store, Fopp, near Seven Dials/Covent Garden. Fopp is a small UK chain and has a truly amazing selection of CDs, DVDs and books (that sadly almost went bankrupt earlier this year) and their Covent Garden location is tiny but filled with great shit.

They do a good job with their displays that make it easy to find and discover new music. When I was "living" in London a few years back I frequented the store a few times a week and pretty much any music I discovered when I was living there was thanks to Fopp. Also, most of the discs were between 3 and 6 pounds, which is cheaper than back in the States (discs from Fopp were about the only thing cheaper than back in the States, actually).

Anyway, this post isn't about Fopp as much as it is about the great compilation CDs you can buy in the UK, of which Fopp had a particularly good selection of. If the US sold compliation albums of the same quality, I have not seen them (but then again, I'm not in record stores much these days). Last week I picked up a few pretty solid ones - Radio 1, Soulwax's "2 Many DJs" and some others (I had to stop at 5 since I wouldn't be able to fit much more into my already full suitcase).

One gripe that I have about these and all the compilation CDs I've bought in the UK is the way they keep recycling some of the same music over and over. As much as I love Stereophonics (Kelly Jones - yum), I really don't need "Dakota" on Every. Single. Compliation CD I buy. Same with the La's "There She Goes" - the song is about 20 years old and it is time to give it a rest.

This gripe was exacerbated when I bought "The Anthems 07" thinking it would be a sort of "best of" the year double CD. I didn't lookcarefully enough at the song list until too late, but sure enough the album contains great songs from 2007 such as Pulp's "Common People", Cranberries' "Dreams", Travis' "Why Does It Always Rain on Me" and, yep, even "Dakota."

Makers of UK compilation CDs, I ask you: Is it too much to ask that a disc called "Anthems 07" actually has only songs that were released in 2007?

[This is a photo of the exterior of Fopp in London. So pretty, no?]

So You Can Get Caught Up

Could not be bothered to blog much lately, so let me get you up to speed on some of the highlights the last few weeks...

1. Woke up on Christmas morning around 3am just in time to run to john and begin vomiting into the toilet (a ritual I repeated hourly through the morning). Yes, Santa gave me a flu bug for Xmas this year.
2. Got beer from my parents for Xmas. Seriously. They bought me beer.
3. Went to a Bulls game. This is significant because my whole life I'd never been to a Bulls game. Plus, I won some bottled water.
4. Had to sign up for an unplanned Chemistry course, potentially knocking back my whole nursing school roadmap back a semester.
5. Went ice skating in Millenium Park with Niner and LP. Although not a skater, I think I did OK.
6. After all my bitching, I got an A in Bio.
7. Went to London for New Years (a blog entry in itself).
8. Celebrated part of New Year's Eve in a pub with that actress from Bridget Jones Diary and one of the Harry Potter movies. Also, I wore a pretty gold tiara. (Photos forthcoming.) It is OK to be jealous.
9. Actually reversed a trend by losing weight over the holidays instead of gained (some thanks to #1 above). So at least I got that going for me.

Yay George Bush, Yay Global Warming

So it is in the mid-60s today here in Chicago.
Allow me to point out that it is also January.

On a related note, George Bush is in town to talk about how awesome his "No Child Left Behind" program - which is 6-years old today as a matter of fact - is. He's also meeting with the mayor to discuss Chicago's snowball-in-hell chance of winning the 2016 Olympic Games.

I'll bet money that at some point today he'll make some kind of lame comment like: "My, it sure is warm here in the Windy City!" or "I thought it was supposed to be windy, not warm, here in Chicago!" and the notion that he's done absolute shit about trying to curb global warming will be totally lost on him.

Not that I'm complaining, really - I'm thinking about brining the ol' brown & pink reversable shorts out of storage to celebrate.

Happy 2008

The [Cherry] Ride Players are back to recite my resolutions for 2008. I'm a few days late, so sue me.

(Click on the image to enlarge.)

Happy New Years, y'all.