Thursday, January 24, 2008

Things I Hate This Week

1. People Who Don't Know How to Ride the Escalator

Stand on the right, walk on the left. Why is it that everyone does not know this? Every night I go to class, all of which are on the 9th floor. The most convenient way to get there is via the escalator. Never - not once - have I been able to get to my destination quickly because of the idiots that stand on the left, blocking the flow of traffic.

Also, I transfer to the Blue Line train at the Clark/Lake stop, and there's an escalator to take you down to the platform. What is with the people who hear the train coming yet continue to stand there (on the left) and not hurry along? Do you not want to catch the approaching train? I just missed my connecting train last night because of some asshole who refused to move aside. Thanks, douchie!

2. Carnie Wilson
Carnie (nice name, btw) was on The Today Show (or rather that show that is on right after The Today Show) yesterday as a guest host or something, and they were talking about the Heath Ledger tragedy. Carnie's response: "He was so sexy."

Umm, really? This is our reaction to Heath Ledger's death 18 hours later? I'm embarrassed for her.

Also, why is she still fat? Didn't she get her stomach removed a few years ago?

3. Balsamic Vinegar Squirting in Your Eye
I was eating a salad yesterday, and goddamn if that shit doesn't hurt like a mother.


lfc said...

hey, i know why carnie is still fat. because getting your stomach stapled isn't going to help the fact that you still eat like a pig.

i'm just sayin'.

Ryan Charisma said...

As for Heath. Has it struck anyone odd yet that this alleged "housekeeper or masseus" - I've heard two conflicting reports called Mary-Kate Olsen first when she found Heath's body? Why wouldn't she call 911? I mean, isn't your first instict when an emergency happens to call the landlord? hmmmmm? And then Mary-Kate called her NYC bodyguards to investigate? Still no 911? So who is hiding something here? hmmmmmmm? There is more to this story obviously.

All I'm saying is that if I'm ever found unconsciouse or dead, please, please, PLEASE call Mary-Kate immediately.

It's a matter of life & death.

CHW said...

Dude, you nail the escalator insanity. I harbor the same anger. I guess they should post signs. But to be honest, looking at your photo, it appears you're picking on elementary school kids. Come on. They don't know the laws of the land yet.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

LFC:: Bingo!

Ryan:: Interesting. I haven't been reading up on all the controversey.

Canuck:: The photo was via a google image search, not something that I've personally taken, but you are right.

5 of 9er said...

I 100% agree on the escalator... especially when it comes to the El.

KateR - Seattle/London/wherever said...

I think it was the other wilson sister whatever her name is. and whichever one it is - she's fat again because she kept on eating so her miniscule stomach stretched back out. And I think she had a baby to help that stretching process along. Mental note - do NOT schedule liposuction until you're sure you're done with having kids.

Re the escalator - we need some London discipline where people will actively push you out of the way or even spit on you (maybe that was a little extreme) if you break the rules that are clearly written and signed the full length of each and every escalator on the London Underground. Though come to think of it it is usually American tourists who ignore those signs - not the French/Italian/Scandiwegian/any other country where English isn't the native langugage - just the Americans.

Mr. Shain said...

maybe you need to:

1. take the stairs instead
2. not watch day-time tv
3. not lie about eating salads

Dop said...

When I get on an escalator or (worse) a moving walkway, I'll stand behind people and bellow "Stand to the right". I don't say please, I don't say excuse me. And it works.

Loaf said...

Quite agree with the escalators, although I wish an equally painful death on those people who, while I'm stood on the right, rush by with an oversized bag over their shoulder, smacking everyone in the head as they go!

KAZ said...

Don't know about London, but Manchester has no escalator discipline which just freaks out type A personalities like MOI!

btw - I can help with the Chemistry!

JUSTIN said...

Perhaps you can ask her directly about her weight issues:

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

Walk Stand
Walk Stand
Walk Stand


Mighty Dyckerson said...

An escalator that goes straight up nine floors?? That must be a longass building!

Ellen Aim said...

Once in Tokyo down a reeeeeeeeeeeeally long escalator (they blow my mind) we saw a punk kid get lighty shouldered by a business man getting past. The kid planted his foot squarely in the man's back and launched him the rest of the way down. (They were near the bottom at that point, luckily).

So play nicely on the escalators...

But Tokyo was usually a very polite place.

Michael5000 said...

I do like Dop. Except I say "please," 'cause I'm all genteel and shit. That works too.

Kadonkadonk said...

1. DC has the longest escalator in the Western Hemisphere. Luckily, most east coasters know what's up with the rules.

2. I hope you get fat.

3. Ouch!

radioactive girl said...

My kids know the escalator/moving walkway rules and my oldest is only 10. Just don't necessarily need to excuse kids from knowing what seems like common sense to me. Although I suppose the parents should get the blame for their kids being in the way if they haven't taught them the rules.

Jules said...

That Carnie Wilson quote (and your follow-up question) is going to make me laugh to myself throughout the day, so thanks in advance for making ME look like the crazy chick at the office.
House of Jules

karla said...

There are rules to riding the escalator? Who knew. I always sprawl out facedown and see how many steps I can cover with my body, then leap up like an alleycat at the last second before my bottom lip gets stuck in crack at the end of the ride.

Dre said...

'CARNE' is meat in spanish... how appropriate... she's meaty.

Miss Jaime said...

Try having a jalapeno seed shoot into your eye. That pain is almost as bad sitting through a Tom Brady interview.

Anyway, I totally agree that Arnold Palmers are underrated and that Perez Hilton is wildly overrated and I dig your blog.