Thursday, January 17, 2008

People Are Stupid 2008 (Pt. I)

So I am at Walgreens this morning on my way into work and something happened that reminded me that I hate most people because they're stupid.

I'm in line waiting for the next available cashier. There's also a person behind me waiting too. And then in strolls this older woman, in a hurry. She's nicely dressed, but she's wearing her sunglasses for chrissakes, like she's all cool. Mind you, it is a typical January grey day in Chicago, in fact it is snowing. Yet she's wearing her sunglasses. Indoors. When it is snowing outside. God, I hate that shit.

Anyway, she's acting like she's in this huge hurry and she begins walking straight up to the cashier. As she is doing that, she sees me standing at the opposite end and she asks, "Are you in line?" What a ridiculous question. Like I'm standing in Walgreens with a banana and a juice in my hand for my health or something. Just for shits and giggles. So I say, "Yes."

Then she says, "I just have to get cigarettes." Like if she doesn't get a god-damned Marlboro Light into her mouth at this very second, her insides are going to fall out or something.

So I say: "Well, I just have to get a banana. So..."

I'm not sure what she expected me to reply. "Oh, well then that case, then by all means cut in front of me -- your time is certainly more valuable than mine is! Plus, you're wearing your sunglasses inside on a cloudy day so obviously you are an important person."

She gives me this look like I'm the asshole in this situation and then waits her proper turn in line (or at least waits until I'm done. I can't really say if she tried the same story with the woman behind me but I don't think so.)

Swear to God, I hate people sometimes.

PS - this was written in the classic Holden Caulfield/Catcher in the Rye style. I hope you enjoyed.

22 comments:

FitnessNerd said...

So, is that a banana in your hand or are you just happy to see me?

Sorry, that is what I was thinking...

But yeah...people suck

Chicago's Bi Guy said...

That happened to me once when I was in Jewel. I yelled at the person so loud that everyone turned around and looked at what was going on.

I guess the other person felt so embrassed they tried to explain the situation but since I was already in a bad mood I just told them to get the f*ck out of my way. Looking back at it now I might have went a bit over board but they were in the wrong.

5 of 9er said...

Holden would of been proud.

minijonb said...

I think I would have taken the Sam Kinison and screamed at her to get to back of the bloody line.

Todd said...

You didn't say anything to her about the sunglasses indoors? I would have made her life hell for being treated like that. Wish I had been in line behind you.

Girl Friday said...

Maybe she should hook up with FREAK who counted every pound he ever spent on me when I tried to break up with him. Fucking good couple they'd make. Was she Scottish too?

Mr. Shain said...

two thoughts:

1. you have a lot of gays reading this blog.

2. if salinger were dead, he'd be rolling in his grave.

Rob said...

You are my hero! I'm so happy you put her in her place.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Oh wow, I find that shit SO INCREDIBLY IRRITATING.

SO INCREDIBLY IRRITATING. SHALL I SAY IT AGAIN?!

Unless someone OFFERS for you to cut in front of them, you shouldn't ask, especially when you're just feeding her habit. Hold your horses lady.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Who are you kidding? You know you enjoyed standing there clutching that banana...

Laughing through my chardonnay said...

What a whore! Living in LA I am surrounded by people like that. I love when assholes get on an elevator with their bluetooth on and giant sunglasses on that resemble a shield. They look like they are about to take off for outer space and are calling the tower for permission to launch.

Airam said...

What a bitch. Does she not know who YOU are?!?! The nerve of her!

:)

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Oooh, that was a little Holden-style. Well done. We love you when you're mad.

Kadonkadonk said...

Seriously, sometimes getting nicotine is a life or death situation!

Dop said...

hysterical. I still think you were nicer than I would have been. i hate people.

Loaf said...

That woman needs a slap! Well done for holding your ground!

KAZ said...

That woman shops in my local Tesco as well.
We'll wear her down eventually....
and the rest of the human race.

Michael5000 said...

I read about a psychology study once that showed that (1) if somebody just asks if they can cut in line, people will say no; (2) if somebody asks if they can cut in line and offers a good reason, i.e. "Mom just got out of surgery and is waiting in the car," people will usually let them cut; and (3) the interesting one, if somebody asks if they can cut and offers a stupid reason, i.e. "I need to buy cigarettes," people will STILL usually let them cut. Unless that person is the [Cherry] Ride.

RevRee said...

When you get man, I get slightly turned on....

is that weird?

Wirthy said...

What a bitch! Like her nicotine problem is more important than your vitamin B and potassium addiction.

lfc said...

good for you for not letting her ahead of you. i would have totally succumbed to her... for i am one of those suckers that actually believes that if you're wearing your sunglasses on a cloudy day, then you are totally more important than me.

catherinette said...

I wore my sunglasses indoors while reading this.