Thursday, September 27, 2007

Take Your Rolling Luggage and Shove It

I feel the need to go off on rolling luggage. Not so much the luggage itself (I happen to own a piece), but rather the everyday morons who don't know how to use it properly.

Unless you are: 1) in an airport or train station, or 2) directly travelling to or from an airport or train station -- than there is absolutely no reason why the fuck you should be using one. Every single day I'm walking downtown and every single day I have to trip over, walk around, or generally avoid idiots dragging a piece of rolling luggage behind them.

Take your rolling luggage, check into your fricking tourist hotel, and leave your fucking shit there instead of dragging it carelessly around Michigan Ave., or into the Starbucks, or the Apple store. You and your luggage are in my way.

It would be one thing if these people actually had any amount of self-awareness and realized what a problem their large, luggaged extra appendage was, but most of the time they don't. Some asshole tried to roll his luggage over my foot today as I was sitting down at Borders. Why the fuck are you bringing luggage into the cafe inside Borders? Allow me to attempt to shove your nasty-ass, floral-patterned bag-on-wheels up your rectum.

Yesterday there was a rather large, slow-moving woman in front of me walking in the middle of the sidewalk with one of those little bags with a handle attached to it. It was impossible to get around her, and do you think she noticed? Of course not. Now, this bag of hers was no bigger than a small package, but God forbid she should actually carry her shit in a purse over her shoulder, or in a backpack like every other normal person would; she had to put it into a rolling cart and take up 10 feet of space behind her. She wasn't dressed like she was coming from or getting on a plane, so my guess she was packing her fucking lunch in it.

My issue with all of this is that I seem to be seeing more and more of these rolling luggage packs throughout the city, as though it is now becoming acceptable practice to stop using a purse, briefcase or backpack and instead buy one of these fucking rolling carts to lug your shit around.

The day is coming, and soon, where I am going to go off. Mark my words.

26 comments:

kathyg said...

And their little devil spawns use them to haul their books. Ever walk down a narrow school hallway with little kids dragging those things? Bite me.

minijonb said...

when you decide to finally go off on these fools, make sure you get someone to film it and stick it up on YouTube for us. thx.

KAZ said...

Oh - yes yes yes.
I was once in Paris on a Metro station when a stupid girl let hers roll down the steps. It hit a poor bloke on the back of the legs.
He was in agony.
These people need to pass a test.

Sorry - i'll shut up now.

non-Blondie said...

argh oh my god i hate those things! if you cant fit anything more than a clean pair of underpants and your wallet, you can fucking carry it you bastards.

its hilariously frustrating on the tube - when people are trying to haul them on and off escalators.

and yes okay, those hard back laptop backpacks look like turtle shells on businesspeople, but fricking hell, theyve got to be easier to handle than a little wheely suitcase.

5 of 9er said...

Now you need to print this out and hand it to people... it just may make the world a better place.

One Lil Aussie said...

Wow...your getting REAL crabby in your old age!;)

Michael5000 said...

Gosh, [Cherry].... I think you just DID go off.

I think the next big thing is going to be the urban wheelbarrow. The functional carrying power of the construction site and farmyard, now with a sleek new look (grey) for the office! OK, who's got development capital?

Ryan Charisma said...

YES YES YES

And if you give the fat, lazy girl a smack all the better.

As New Yorker, I find that most people are equally selfish & rude. As for backpacks - have you ever had to deal with them on subways? We have signs on the subway to "take off your backpack when riding" does anyone? no.
So I let them know what selfish assholes they are by wearing them on the train. I think I say something like "you fucking selfish asshole!"

God love ya!

Michael said...

Not sure the reason for this post, as you summed it up perfectly:

"It would be one thing if these people actually had any amount of self-awareness "

I guess no one told you that we live in the United States of ME, oh that's right, everyone was more concerned about themselves and didn't bother to inform anyone else!

I do love the people on the El with their backpacks on shoving themselves into you....I just shove back now...oops, I've lived in the city too long.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Watch it, pal. I happen to have one of them rolling luggage bags. I use it to carry my iPod. I hated the way it was weighing down my pockets.

Ellen Aim said...

I am totally curious, though...how *does* one dress if you're coming from or getting on a plane?

I feel like I missed an important memo.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Temper, temper, Cherry.

I'm kind of testy lately too. I'm not drinking until I do well at work. Still waiting . . .
Still have the shakes . . .

Mr. Shain said...

frankly, this blog has taken a turn from sardonic/funny to bitchy/pms. i say it because i love you.

carolyn says said...

man you gottta stay away from Michigan Ave. and you've just gotta start kicking those bags and then saying all innocent like "oops, i didn't notice that hope there was nothing fragile in there"

Girl Friday said...

Some idiot cut me off getting on the tube this morning and then someone else ran over my foot on the train. The other thing I hate is when people who have enough luggage to be moving country get on public transport during rush hour. When I pointed this out to a mate visiting from the US recently, she looked at me and said, "But don't you feel bad for them?" Um NOOOO! Get a taxi moron!

Kadonkadonk said...

I love those turtle shell packpacks! They are so damn cute. And they are great to use when you need more room in the Metro. (DC doesn't have any signs saying you can't have a backpack so watch out next time you head to the capital of the good old US of A!)

The [Cherry] Ride said...

KathyG:: Ugh. This is happening in grade school? The problem is worse than I thought.

MiniJB:: Nah, if I am going to go off on one of these people it will be in a dark, dark alley with no witnesses.

KAZ:: I think most people need to pass a test in order to do anything in society, but that's another blog post.

Non-Blondie:: I'd wear a frickin Hello Kitty backpack to work over a rolling cart.

Niner:: Good idea. Between this and K.I.D.'s "Your a Douche" biz cards, I'd be totally set.

Aussie:: So what's your point?

Ryan:: With my attitude lately, if I were back in NYC I'd have probably killed someone by now.

Michael:: Its more for therapy for me. I felt immediately better after I posted this.

Dyck:: So not surprising to me.

Ellen:: Back in the day, people used to dress nicely for travel. Granted, I know those days are long gone but I guess in my head I still try to hold people to that lost, higher standard of travel attire.

Dr. Ken:: Perfect cure - Liar's Club, next Saturday night. Be there.

Mr.Shain:: Bite me.

Carolyn:: You are right. But these bags are everywhere, not just Michigan Ave!

J-Bro:: I miss you.

Kadonkadonk: Let's talk about teh DC Metro riding experience. Don't get me started...

ADW said...

My fave was when I was in college and EVERYONE used the rolling luggage instead of a backpack. Lazy, lazy cocksuckers.

ReckenRoll said...

Do I get to meet the Liar's Club next Saturday night?
Whooo Hoo!

captain corky said...

The kids in the town where I grew up wheel there backpacks to and from school. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw it. Ridiculous.

RevRee said...

I've actually seen people at the DMV waiting in line, standing there with rolling luggage by their side. I was appalled!

What has this world come to, it disgusts me!

Guilty Secret said...

Oh no... my best friend does this. I am going to have to 'break up with her' now. Thanks for drawing my attention to this. I don't want people to think I would be friends with one of these selfish individuals!

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I WAS at Liar's Club last night, buddy. You missed The Naked Guy.

FYI: Me, you, classy, and Bradshaw all answered the same to the Marry, F, and Kill question I posed last night.

Great minds think alike . . .

blythe said...

i hate these people. they clog the narrow pathways of my university.

Dop said...

I am picking up what you are throwing down, my boy. I hate those fucking backpacks on wheels. They rank up there with go carts for lazy people.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

My husband and I often take the train from our small sad town to Chicago for long weekends in the big city. We could easily be among the annoying with our wheeled luggage because the last train back home doesn't leave the city until about 7:30 on Sunday, but we leave it at our hotel and the bellman happily keeps it for us until the appropriate time. I'm sure we are annoying you in many other ways.

PS - I will further consider only leaving comments on posts more than a week old.