Monday, July 28, 2008

PEST FEST [bitches!] Day Three: Olympic Dreams Come True (Sort Of)

60 hours into PEST FEST [b!], and things are rolling. The house Shuana and I are renting is decent, with a deck out back for barbecuing (read: drinking) and nice neighbors. We’re two blocks from Columbia Park and the swimming pool, so there are vague plans for exercising.


At the very least, I’ll be taking Shauna’s dog Jake for walks there (read: I’ll be standing around chucking a tennis ball while Jake fetches it), since we’ve already become BFFs (he constantly follows me around the house and pretty much ignores Shauna now - eat it, Shauna!). Apparently we’re also close to Portland International Raceway, as evidenced by the roar of drag racing car engines (or open-wheeled race car engines, or whatever it is they do over there) on weekend afternoons, which is a good thing because it keeps me close to my whitetrash roots.
I’m mobile now, too, having borrowed a friend’s rickety old bicycle to get around town for the next few weeks. After I post this, I am ditching work for the day (things are slow) and heading into Old Town to buy a skateboard. Unless I wimp out and decide not to get one for awhile, which may happen too.

As the house is only semi-furnished, I’m sleeping on an air mattress (pregnant woman gets the only real bed in the house, whatever). Jury is still out on this one – one the one hand, it makes for a very portable, almost zen-like existence and I can pretty much sleep standing up (last night was my first night on it and I slept like a log; but that might have more to do with the fact that on Friday and Saturday nights I’ve slept a total of 6 hours). On the other hand, it is, well an air mattress.

Side note: about a month ago I got a new debit card from Bank of America, in which some of my purchases go towards financially supporting the US Olympic Team. The debit card has my photo on it and immediately next to it reads “US Olympic Team”, almost as though it is a special debit card for US Olympic athletes, and almost as though I might be one of them. When I’ve used it in Chicago nobody gave a shit, but for whatever reason here in Portland every time I use it I get asked “Are you really on the Olympic Team?” I’ve started answering, “Yes.” You know, just to keep things interesting.

So, if anyone asks, I am totally first alternate on the Olympic Fencing Team. Everyone seems to be buying it, so don’t blow my cover mmmkay?

18 comments:

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

Dude, we are neighbors. Chang time say what?

Prashant Sridharan said...

Well, you do have a rapier wit.

minijonb said...

whenever you whip out your card, you need to say, "touché!" as you hand it to the clerk.

classyandfancy said...

Your secret's safe with me only if you wear the jumpsuit next time I see you. Also, are you sure you want to be on that fencing team? From the looks of that craptastic website they get no respect.

Mr. Shain said...

i might believe special olympics fencing team... maaaaaybe.

House of Jules said...

I'll definitely keep your secret (or spread the word that I know someone on the US Olympic Team!) but I don't recommend a wardrobe that features an alarm going off everytime someone touches you... if you know what I'm sayin' and I think you do.
Jules
House of Jules

blythe said...

i once had a roommate who fenced in college. needless to say, she destroyed all of my paper lanterns.

Mr. Shain said...

was this always-naked-dance-party roommate at smith? or was this the roommate whose cat you pulled tape out of its ass?

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Carrie:: I believe Chang Time to be Thursday, perhaps?

Prashant:: I see myself with more of a foil's wit.

MiniJB:: As I build on this little lie, I will definitely use it.

Classy:: Yes, the website sucks! But how awesome are those suits? (Answer: very.)

Shain:: ...

Jules:: I is picking up what you're putting down.

Blythe:: I remember her, she was a total bitch.

ridiculous said...

i will only participate in the lie if you take to slapping people in the face with your glove, then challenging them to fencing matches. like, in the supermarket.

Girl Friday said...

I can see that your locale may present problems in completing my itinerary. Dissapointing.

Kadonkadonk said...

I've been sleeping on an air mattress for the last 2 months. It's an aero bed and it's awesome. I am thinking about using it for another month or two so I can save up and buy a pillow top mattress instead of skimping on the cheapest piece of shit I can find.

Wait, was I just talking about mattresses? And I didn't even bring up sex?! When the hell did I get so old?!

blythe said...

cherry - she was less bitch and was more naked all the time, primarily an effort to make me uncomfortable. also, she was a chemist and made her own lotions in a bowl she stole from the dining hall out of my lotions. finally, she was actually a visiting student and walked on to the varsity tennis team. finally, she took a class from the sister of shain's high school debate coach. bizarre5000!

Mr. Shain said...

also you make have hooked up with her brother, you know the one with missing earlobe. yeah, that's him.

Chardsy said...

By fencing do you mean sword fighting?

Jake Titus said...

I have a feeling that the only fencing that you have done in your life involves stolen 8-track tape players.

FitnessNerd said...

I don't see you fencing. Ping Pong yes....fencing, no!

Or maybe the Trampoline...

Wait, isn't Ballroom Dancing an Olympic Sport?

Okay, if nothing else, Rhythmic Gymnastics...I can totally see you prancing around the mat with a ribbon on a stick

I'm Frank said...

I tell people I'm on the synchronized swimming team.