Monday, October 23, 2006

Why I'm Becoming a Fatass

As part of an ongoing probe as to why my ass seems to get bigger and bigger, I present Exhibit B:

Friday night after a few drinks with Fred & Laura at Tuman's, Krista and I are driving home down Chicago Avenue when I spot me in the distance some Golden Arches*. The following conversation ensues:

Me: Oooh, do you know what sounds good? A chocolate shake from McDonald's.
Krista: Wow, I haven't been to McDonald's in years.
Me: Yeah, me neither.**
Krista: Instead of a shake you should get one of those "McFlurry" things.
Me: Oooh, yeah that sounds good. Do you know what else sounds good? Fries.
Krista: Go for it.
Me: Mmmm. You know, if I'm going to get fries maybe I should get some Chicken McNuggets too...
Krista: Why don't you get the 9-piece (instead of the 6-piece) and we can split it?
Me: Maybe we should Super-Size it?
Krista: Well, I'm not having any fries, so there's no need to Super-Size it...
Me: I'll tell you what, I think I'll just Super-Size it anyway.

So what started as a innocuous chocolate shake drive-by turned into a Super-Size 9-piece Chicken McNugget meal with a McFlurry on the side.

But, you know, I didn't wake up with a hangover, so at least I had that going for me.

* It should be noted that just 5 hours prior we had eaten a full dinner.
** And by "me neither" I of course mean that I hadn't eaten there in approximately 48 hours.


darci ann said...

ahh McDonalds- the best hangover cure/prevention around. you expend the calories in comic blog posts -- just try and type much faster.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

SO are you saying that McDonalds before bed will ward off a hangover? That's great! The way that I drink, I'll weigh 900 lbs with that approach, but I'll feel GREAT!

Matt said...

You really should go that little further in search of a BK rather than McDonalds, but I guess any grease is good. Putting in some extra gym time this week?

And using the words probe and ass in the same sentence is not good for this time of the morning; I tend to misread things while I'm still waking up, and was a little worried as to where this was going.

(Also a testament to how awake I am at the moment, that this is my forth attempt at the word verification)

Six Years Late said...

Sounds like drunken upsizing to me. Which if it was, means you must have been drink driving. Which means in turn you may well have jacked the car. So you're technically a fat, TWOCing, alcoholic. Who would have thought it could go so wrong?

By the way this got sent to me, thought it may give you some tips

classyandfancy said...

The McFlurry is a brillantly designed delicacy, if only that plastic spoon was made out of something edible, like a fried snickers.

Less than a week until we will be throwing down on the dance floor! Afterwards we shall go to the nearest McDonald's or burrito place where I will pass out at the table from all the excitement (& all the shots).

Mood Indigo said...

I love the fried snickers idea. I haven't indulged in McDonalds lately - but you should have seen the fervor with which I attacked some KFC fried chicken after a particularly bad day last week. There wasn't even any pending hangover to blame.

Knitter said...

I am the original fatty, so stop it, I know you not fat !!

Gay Canuck in the Capital said...

Don't worry Will, some of us like big asses :)

Dop said...

This sounds amazingly like the daily conversation I have with myself.