Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Vegemite: It's What's No Longer Legal For Breakfast (Or: My Search For Illegal Booty)

[this is a photo of some booty alongside the illegal Vegemite booty. I chose this photo for two reasons: 1) it gives me the opportunity to make not one but two booty* jokes, and 2) I knew Prashant would appreciate a photo of Vegemite and a naked woman's ass. So would Dr. Ken.]
Richard emailed me yesterday with a desperate plea to get on over to Cost Plus World Market to grab every available jar of Vegemite on the shelves.

Turns out, the US Government has put a
ban on the sale or import of Vegemite into the US. There is an international crisis brewing, and caught in the middle are me and Richard (and while I have definitely acquired a taste for the yeastie beastie -- I have gone on record to say that Vegemite is a party in your mouth -- the stuff is like crack for Richard, who doesn't know how he will survive here in the States if he can't have his daily dose. I feel for him!)

Apparently, the US has decided that folic acid can only be legally consumed by way of breads and cereals, and not Vegemite.

I suggested that he just smuggle some booty* into his luggage when he arrives next month, but he told me of
news reports where Australians are actually getting searched at customs for the contraband.


Fearing retribution from Richard if I didn't act immediately, I stopped at Cost Plus (the only place in Chicago we knew of that stocked Vegemite) immediately after work to find the booty* but I was too late. Every Cost Plus has removed it and will no longer carry it. I even tried to bribe the clerk: "Name your price for every box of booty* you still have in the back room." But alas, it was not meant to be.

I'm hoping that the mass outrage Down Under will be enough to change the US law to make Vegemite legal again.

* Sorry if I'm being obnoxious, I just love typing the word "booty."


Julie_Gong said...

I too love the word booty. I took an Old Testament class in college and the priest used to say booty all the time and I could barely contain myself.

Todd said...

Do you think you could placate him with Natto? I think I saw Vegamite on the shelves still at my Treasure Island.

classyandfancy said...

What!!!! Richard is here in a month! I will assist you with breaking into all the Cost Plus stores in the tri-state area. Get your cat suit ready.

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Now when you and Richard hear Men at Work sing, "He just smiled, and handed me a vegamite sandwich," you'll weep.

Unless Todd is right, and they have it at Treasure Island. Treasure Island! What better place to score booty!!?

David said...

I'm begining to think that Australians have some sick joke to unleash the crap that they can't eat/drink onto an unsuspecting world. Fosters, Kookaburra Licquorice, and of course, vegamite.

darci ann said...

wow, this may be an all-time american low.. THIS is where we're focusing our 1. airport scanning and searching efforts?? 2. FDA recommendations..? I could be wrong, but we sell things far worse for you than vegemite. YES YES, eat your way into oblivion with ginormous burritos, fries, and 12 layer hamburgers... but lay off the veggie past.


I'll keep my eyes open for any contraband in Portland.

Prashant Sridharan said...

Wow, is it possible for the Bush Administration to fuck everything up before the subpoenas start flying on January 1st?

Six Years Late said...

Switch to marmite. It's far superior anyway. Or is that the same issue.


Katie in the UK said...

Can we smuggle it in from Europe? I may need to plan an international booty call to Chicago.

So Proper.

Matt said...

Can't say I've ever tried Vegimite, always assumed it was the same kind of thing as Marmite, or am I wrong?

I want to know if sniffer dogs have been trained to recognise Vegimite!

KateR said...

I brought both Vegemite AND Marmite (ok, and decent instant coffee) in with me to Seattle on Sunday - and no-one blinked an eye, though the guy with the tube of fruit pastilles was last seen being lead away for a very thorough search....

Shaun said...

Although Singapore does ban small things like democracy, free speech oh and chewing gum, it still lets Aussies onto the island = Vegemite in good supply. I is now 80%likely to be in Chicago end o' January, so will bring stash.

Err, KateR drinks instant coffee? Je ne comprend pas!

David said...

There's some good news for you, perhaps. Read the denials here.

Katie in the UK said...

KateR, WHY DID YOU BRING COFFEE TO SEATTLE? That's like taking your own supply of sushi to Japan or your own pasta to Italy!!!

CHW said...

HAHA! I hadn't heard of this unfortunate news. Glad to see our government is hard at work. Uggh.

Dop said...

I don't know why, but even I like the shot of the booty.


Perhaps because there is also food in the picture.

Yes. I am sure that's why.