Wednesday, May 21, 2008

People May Not Care That You're Away...

You know when you haven't blogged in a long time and there's just too much to catch up on so why even bother? Yeah, that's kinda what I'm going through at the moment. Something like 16 of the last 25 days have been spent in the Pac Northwest, the place I used to call home that I love and miss very much. I am very reluctant to leave. The trip was a lot of work, and a lot of fun; the best of times, the toughest of times; some laughter (drunk), some tears (drunk, not drunk, hungry). Better than Cats and all that shit.

I'm on the plane heading back to Chicago, and I'm exhausted. During the week I was up late and up early for work stuff; on the weekends I was out late catching up with friends. Instead of boring you all with the play-by-plays (wedding receptions, speeding tickets, celebrity sightings, jogging while intoxicated, you know - the usuals) I'm instead reviewing some of the memorable words said in my presence or texted to me over the course of my trip.

Share them with you? OK, but only because you've insisted. Note: some of the names of the guilty have been redacted to save embarassment.

  1. "Like the Doobie Brothers, I'm Taking It To The Streets" (MK, referring to his weekend)
  2. "I'm also giving you a ticket for aggressive driving" (Washington State Trooper, who gave me a ticket for going 80 in a 60 somewhere outside of Olympia)
  3. "I AM Julie Andrews!" (Kate at the Alibi Room)
  4. "That's the problem with christian rock -- you think you're listening to Goo Goo Dolls or Sarah McLachlan and then suddenly it's too late" (PG, referring to the horrible radio options on the drive from Seattle to Portland)
  5. "It's a Boston Thing -- you wouldn't understand" (said by me and Kate to Recken at the Alibi Room)
  6. "I met a homeless guy with no thumbs the other night" (texted to me out of nowhere by GFC)
  7. "[C]R will have a boyfriend before you do" (Dave to Recken, when discussing possible wedding dates)
  8. "I should have at least removed my SPANX" (SS, referring to some other stuff we don't really need to get into)
  9. "I woke up and had no idea what was going on - I walked into the kitchen to take a dump" (MK, referring to his Sunday morning)
  10. "This is the first I have heard the term 'Cock Block' and will be incorporating it in to my everyday worklife as often as possible" (SS via e-mail)
  11. "That song is Spunky. And I need to inject some Spunk into my life this summer" (me, to Erin, referring to this)
  12. "She doesn't like Shia LeBouf??? Why the fuck does anyone have a problem with Shia LeBouf??" (RK)
  13. "Hurricane!!" (Recken)
  14. "Vaginal discharge" (texted to me by a guy on my blogroll who shall remain nameless during a very important work meeting)
  15. "The 80s called and they want their shoes back" (SR, referring to these)
  16. "I want my own Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa!" (MA, while listening to Vampire Weekend)
  17. "I can't serve you shots of vodka because that's against the rules. However, I can serve you tumblers of vodka over ice if you'd prefer" (by the bartender and Erin & Ryan's reception)
  18. "I'm embarrassed to ride in your car with you!" (AR, referring to my piece of shit rental car)
  19. "I've been duped by Newton Faulkner!" (me to Ryan & Erin, after purchasing the less-than-stellar new NF CD)
  20. "We'll be a power couple in Boston!" (Recken)


Mr. Shain said...

ah, this post made discrete mention of both me and boat shoes--your best post yet.

Ben said...

9, 12, 14 and 17 are my favourites. No...your friends in general are my favs. If only you folks were calling me instead of the Indian call centers insisting that I accept their credit card offers.

Big Daddy said...

I totally agree with the Christian rock thing.

I went to a ska concert once, and at the end, the crowd all joined hands in the air and said a prayer and then launched in to that one song that is usually sung at funerals.


I had no idea they were Christian Ska until that concert.

Their music never came across as Xtian.

No wonder why me and my friend Sara were the only ones up in the balcony smoking and drinking.

Big Daddy said...

It was 'Amazing Grace'.

Couldn't think of it while I was commenting.

JUSTIN said...

Niiice, I see you also got to enjoy the dynamic handling of the Chrysler Pacifica. Official car of MILF's everywhere!

d said...

i hate shia lebouf. he's second on my list of people who need a cock punch. mostly because his name is shia lebouf.

shain misspelled discreet. ha ha.

RK said...

d, YOU need a cock punch. And Shia LeBoeuf is just the man to give it to you.

ReckenRoll said...

you forgot

"I'm so excited I'm so scared!"


"CR is my monkeyboy!!"

If you get to have a bf first then I get to call you monkeyboy. I like to think of it as my retribution for your everlasting happiness.

Yeah, I am totally gonna die alone.

Shaun - a ray of golden sun said...

Mmm! Kate is Julie Andrews. At the weekend she likes nothing more than to slip into in a wimple and pluck her banjo!

minijonb said...

aggressive driving?!? are you kidding me? i think i would have told the trooper that i always drive that way and he could hang out behind me all month to make his quota.

(actually, i'd be too pissed to say anything, but it's what i would have wanted to say)

and you can make the shoes work, wear 'em.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Mr. Shain:: Really? My best? Wow. And you're dangerously close to revealing which quote might be yours, via process of elimination.

Ben:: Actually, many of my friends can be dreadful (#s 9 & 14 for example) - I just make them seem more interesting than they are.

Big Daddy:: I know, right? Somewhere near Centralia, WA I had been rocking out to about 3 songs on this great station until someone started going on about how Great His Love is, and I had to switch off the radio immediately.

Justin:: I almost called you from the parking lot at the rental car place, but I was so pissed off.

D:: Good catch. Eat it, Shain!!!

RK:: Please, no threats here - this is a family blog.

Reckenroll: You will not die alone. However, I will have a BF before you do. Also: VEGAS!!

Ray of Golden Sun:: See what you missed by not delaying your flight? Also, slip into a wimple??

MiniJB:: He was gonna give me a $500 ticket!!!

Kadonkadonk said...

I love #4 - it's so true! Although, I always turn off Goo Goo Dolls too. But I mean, if I was in a serious bind, I guess I'd listen to them.

#11 - I love the word Spunky. It's not used enough.

#17 - That is a hella cool bartender!

Mr. Shain said...

fyi, d & [c]r, the references were BOTH discrete and discreet. eat that, etc.

surviving myself said...

Man, those shoes are bad. But good for you for not being afraid to rock them.

5 of 9er said...

My guess is the Gancer sent you the Vagina text... could be wrong, but it's a good guess.

That rental car is sweeeeeet. You could totally pick up some soccer moms with it!

Mr. Shain said...

who said he didn't 9er?

Spammon said...

I sure hope that in one point of my life, I can say something that will end up in a book of motivational sayings.

Michael5000 said...

I complained that I had no text-capable cell phone, until I met a man who had no thumbs...

KateR - Seattle/London/wherever said...

yes it's true - I do have a special relationship with my wimple!

(Just have to say - I am so excited I made it onto one of the [C]R's lists - I think this is the first time ever!!!)