Friday, February 29, 2008

When Good Dogs Go Bad

Last month's GQ had an interesting article written by John Sullivan called "Violence of the Lambs." His basic premise is that essentially, animals are revolting against and attacking humans in ways previously unseen in history. This phenomenon is actually being studied by a group of scientists, some of whom contend that it is as though a Cosmic Memo has been sent to the entire animal kingdom, and that Memo reads: "Do your part to ensure the extinction of the human race!"

The article goes into detail of bizarre attacks against humans by every sort of animal imaginable (including those previously believed to be harmless to mankind). But one particular paragraph made me spit out my coffee in laughter:

"In America... at least four people have been shot by their dogs in the past two years. One incident involved a stun gun... In another incident, in Memphis, a dog shot its owner in the back while the man was arguing with his girlfriend..."

Are you fucking kidding me? Dogs shooting people?? I thought maybe this was a joke, but an internet news search uncovered evidence to verify this.

And I know this is wrong, but why is it that I find myself feeling bad for the dogs in this situation, and not the people who were shot?

PS - this photo has nothing to do with this entry, but I must point out that it came up when I did an image search for "dogs with guns." I bet these poor cowgirls would be pissed if they only knew.


Jules said...

Is the term "dogs" slang for cowgirls in some alternate universe? Because a cowgirl shooting someone (even with a *pink* gun) makes more sense to me than an actual canine. Also? I love the idea that there is funding for a study like this. I will have to find that article because it sounds HILARIOUS, in a scientific way, of course. Science is fun(ny)!
House of Jules

Dop said...

New slogan for NRA: Guns don't kill people. People don't kill people. Dogs with guns do.

Mr. Shain said...

if you think you're going to get a free subscription to GQ with this excuse for an essay, you might be right. i think they're pretty easy to impress.

FitnessNerd said...

What? You READ GQ?

Uh...was Highlights not available?


Big Daddy said...

This guy's dog stole his truck.

Big Daddy said...

Grand Theft Rut-ro!

Ha ha ha.

I'm a dork.

Jake Titus said...

Hey, I believe it. My ex-gf's macaw bit me on the dick once. Three things prevented me from killing the little bastard.
1: Complete painful incapacitation.
2: My ex strategically placing herself between me and the bird.
3: The little prick was laughing his annoying little parrot laugh at me and it made me feel like a little bitch.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I was once bitch slapped by a bitch. I believe her name was Fifi.

Shaun said...

A cock and bull story, surely?

PS. In the UK, a dog can also refer to an ugly person.

JUSTIN said...

Kudos to GQ for their journalistic bravado; I smell a Pulitzer Prize!

step right up said...

Hey, survival of the fittest right?

ReckenRoll said...

You and 9er look good in drag. Can I borrow the boots?

Ms. Laaw-yuhr said...

I have a friend of mine who is obsessed with "monkey crimes". Yes, crimes committed against humans by monkeys. Remember that guy who got his nuts ripped off by monkeys a while back (I forget which species)? Yeah, monkeys will f you up. They definitely got the memo.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

i wish bubbles the chimp had popped a cap in michael jacksons ass just after the release of thriller and before the majority of the molestations in ferris wheel carts.

blythe said...

this is good information. i have long been suspicious of my puppy. she looks like she's part dingo, so she'd probably brandish a machete as opposed to shooting me, though.

also, i've missed you cherry.