Wednesday, March 26, 2008

People Are Stupid 2008 (Pt. III)

At Starbucks this morning, I order my drink (btw, it is amazing how quickly a $50 gift card runs out) and then while I'm waiting I take my RedEye and go put it at a table. After putting down the newspaper, I go up to the counter to get my drink.


In the meantime, a see a guy walk in and put his stuff down at the same small table that I've put my newspaper, then go stand in line to order his coffee. I'm a bit annoyed but not really, since it isn't as though I'd expect him to know that was my newspaper.

Once my coffee comes up, I take it, go back to the table where I'd put the Red Eye, take the newspaper and move to the next table over.

A few minutes later the other guy sits down at the table, and noticing that the Red Eye is gone, frowns, looks over to me and the following moronic conversation ensues:
Guy: "Is that the newspaper that was right here?
Me: "Yes, it is."

Guy: "Hmmpf. I was reading that."
Me (thinking:) OK, so you're a liar and an idiot. "No. No, actually you weren't. I was reading it. You see, I set it down at the table before you came in, and while I was waiting for my coffee you came in and took my seat."
Guy: "Oh... Sorry."
Me: "Not a problem."

Douchie McDouchebag

16 comments:

Mr. Shain said...

Me: "Not a problem."

way to stick it to him! i hope you also glared at the back of his head real good too....

d said...

it would've been awesome if you'd stood up and yelled, 'you want MY fucking paper?! well, here you go, douchebag!' and threw it at his head and then stormed out.

The [Cherry] Ride said...

O Shain, how I miss your witticisms.

Ryan Charisma said...

Maybe this is God's way of saying you read too much?

Mr. Shain said...

O Cherry, how I miss your funniness.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Why does Cherry keep getting shit on? I don't like that one bit.

Jules said...

As soon as I read, I was reading that, I was filled with a fiery rage. It could be partially hormonal, or it could be that I'm having a rough couple of weeks; but man, it's lucky I wasn't on the receiving end of that douche's squawk-box. Lucky for HIM, I mean.
Jules
House of Jules

Essentially Me said...

Stupid loser.

Spammon said...

You handled that like a pro. I would have liked to have seen one of two things though:

1) You go and sit right next to him and huddle in close to share the paper. (Bonus points if you share his coffee)

2) After he said he was reading the paper, ask him which article he was reading and what part he liked the best. Then after he mumbles over nothing, roll the paper up and smack him on the nose like a dog.

Step Right Up said...

Oh I love how you set him straight!

minijonb said...

this made me laugh. thx.

ridiculous said...

next time, forget the conversation and just go straight to a punch to the back of the head. works every time...

The [Cherry] Ride said...

D:: That would have been good, but I really wanted to drink my coffee in peace.

Ryan:: Never thought of that, but you may be right.

Dr. Ken:: Thanks for the concern, but it is only Mr. Shain we're talking about here, and nobody really takes him seriously anyway.

Jules:: Come shopping at Walgreens with me. I think it will be fun for everyone to see what happens when you let loose.

Essentially You:: Totally, right? I knew you could sympathize.

Spammon:: Awesome! That would have made a much better story.

SRU:: Thanks. I guess I was being nice. maybe too nice!

MiniJB:: My pleasure. Hang in there.

Ridiculous:: Back of the head? Really, that works?

5 of 9er said...

Starbucks hates you... have you not figured this out yet?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

HELL YA STARBUCKS GIFT CARDS.

Chicago's Bi Guy said...

I would have taken your paper also.. I mean as we all know from living in Chicago it's very hard to find a redeye on every corner of the street. They are almost as hard to find as a Starbucks.

People like this deserves everything they get in life.