Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Yo Shawtie, Its My Birfday

It's true. One year closer to Death. Yay for me.

If you really care, you'll send me a some e-card *
Or, buy me this. "Really, [Cherry]?" you're saying to yourself, "I didn't know you were a DJ!" I'm not, but I think I would be good at it and it would look good in my bedroom - you know, that mystical place where I make the magic happen.**

In honour*** of me getting older, here's a list of things I've noticed about me that I am old-ish. Warning: I know most of you think I shit rainbows and butterflies (and you'd be right), but the following list ain't pretty. But really, it shows how much I love you that I can share so much about me, right?

  • There was a time when I didn't understand half of what the hell was happening on MTV. Now, I don't get half the shit that happens on VH-1.
  • I no longer remember anything that happened in high school.**** Granted, this is likely due to the systematic voluntary willingness to forget it, but still...
  • I haven't figured out how to use my hair trimmer to get at the hair that is now growing out of my ears.
  • True story: I was driving from Seattle to Portland a few weeks ago and heard a lovely song on the radio and thought "Hmm, I kinda like this and the voice sounds familiar but I can't place it." It turned out to be CELINE DION, people. Celine fucking Dion!!!!
  • A hangover, when I get them, now last about a month. I'm still recovering from shit I did in April.
  • On those rare days where I don't shower, I develop some pretty funky smells. This is a new thing for me, because up until about a month ago I was one of those "non-sweaty, non-smelly" people.
  • And can someone please once and for all tell me what the hell a Hollaback Girl is? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? If I was young, I would know such things.
  • I'm contemplating not dressing up for Halloween this year.
* That e-mail address, in case you've forgotten, is: cherry_ride@hotmail.com
** And by "magic" I of course mean eating Double Big Macs on my bed while watching HGTV and Bravo on Friday & Saturday nights, talking to my Aquaman doll, and crying myself to sleep. But only sometimes.
*** It's my birthday and if I want to pretend I am a subject of the Queen, I will.
**** Aside from the occassional flashback of beratement and belittlement from teachers and classmates, of course.

37 comments:

Prashant Sridharan said...

Happy Birthday!!! Please get drunk and make inappropriate decisions!

Essentially Me said...

Happy Birthday sweetie!

JUSTIN said...

Hollaback Girl = "A female, usually a teenager or young adult, who, when insulted, will reply verbally. This is typically achieved by insulting the original insulter (otherwise known as 'hollering back', shortened in this case to 'hollaback'."

Ben said...

Can I just plagiarize your list? Happy birthday!

I'm Frank said...

Being your arch nemesis, any e-card I'd send you would have some kind of porn virus attached, and the iPod mixer would be rigged to play nothing but BeeGees music. I'm just sayin'

But nevertheless, happy birthday.

Some Guy said...

Celine Dion!? Jesus...

Happy Birthday, C-Ride!

carolyn says said...

happy birthday!

mysterygirl! said...

Happy birthday, Cherry! Have an awesome day.

House of Jules said...

Happy birthday, baby! I'm going to TOTALLY ignore that whole Celine Dion thing. By the way, I left you a little something over at the H.O.J.! Next year there will be actual photos. Consider yourself warned. ;)
xoxo,
Jules
House of Jules

Ryan Charisma said...

Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

you had me until the "not dressing up for halloween" part. i will not stand for it.
happy birthday anyway!
-kb

KateR - Seattle/London/wherever said...

Nice use of proper British English at last!!!!! You must be getting wiser in your old(er) age.

Happy birthday!

FitnessNerd said...

Happy Birthday, dear [Cherry]!

surviving myself said...

happy birthday.

And I haven't dressed up for halloween for years. I just don't care anymore.

Join me.

Alison said...

Happy birthday!

I feel you on the MTV and VH-1. I was SO EXCITED to see a Pop-Up Video re run over the weekend. It made me feel young again...until I realized all of the facts were from 1997 at the latest.

Julie_Gong said...

how did i know you were a celine dion lover....

happy birthday!!

Rob said...

Happy Birthday Will!

Ellen Aim said...

Happy Birthday!!! Love your list, may have rip you off in a couple weeks when mine rolls around.

I didn't dress up for Halloween last year, so I must be older than you. And I even had a frickin' Halloween wedding, so you know I was lazy.

classyandfancy said...

If you mix in Celine's "Love Can Move Mountains" with "My Heart Will Go On" I bet some fantastical happenings will occur in the boudoir, maybe even with a robot.

Happy Birthing!

ReckenRoll said...

Hippy birdy two ewe!

When we get really old we can watch Bravo together. You can help me colour my gray (when I get some) and I will help trim that unreachable ear hair.

That's true friendship.

Spammon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Spammon said...

Holy crap man...Celine Dione? I sure hope you don't start to grow a vagina out of your forehead.

Happy Birthday! Now go watch Titanic.

Mr. Shain said...

this is all screams of desperation and sadcakes to the max. here are some observations:

-its versus it's. even ebonics has apostrophes.

-i think you'd be a great dj, mixing all that celine dion on your ipod...

-there's enough sharting posts on this blog that we are all highly aware that rainbows and butterflies are not coming out of your ass.

-how the hell do you have days when you don't shower? i thought only the homeless did this (and blythe).

Big Daddy said...

I was totes going to send you a Some Ecard, but ended up just writing on your wall on Facebook.

Silly me.

Happy Birfday!

[p.s. Celine Dion? Really? Ack!]

I'm Not Carrie Bradshaw said...

Happy Birthday My Dear Cherry! It's CHANG TIME!!!

minijonb said...

happy happy joy joy!

don't forget to celebrate your birthmonth for all of June.

Mighty Dyckerson said...

I'm so old, I remember when MTV used to play music videos! Am I right people??!

Jake Titus said...

Cherry:
I looked high and low for an ecard that had a coupon for a free sygmoidoscopy but turned up nothing. So instead I send you this birthday poem. . .

Money's tight...
Times are hard...
I can't afford a birthday card.

Happy Birthday
(you crotchity old bastard!)

d said...

what i want to know is when do the zits stop happening? seriously.

happy birthday. hope you got all drunk and stupid.

5 of 9er said...

You must be getting old... Celine Dion... really?

ridiculous said...

don't worry, your heart will go on.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

J. Hi said...

Yeah, what's up with our bodies rejecting alcohol? Shouldn't they be used to it by now?

You can dress up like Celine Dion for Halloween.

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Happy Birthday!

Funny post.

One more sign that you're getting older might be that Hollerback Girl came out like 3 years ago.

blythe said...

i totally know what celine song you're talking about. the same thing happened to me. true story.

let's start with not wearing a cape before you go off contemplating halloween. babysteps.

Rachel said...

Hey! I've been rocking out to the Dion since I was 12!

And you should definitely still dress up for Halloween.

Lina said...

happy brirthay!
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