Thursday, November 23, 2006

Gobble This

[Ed. note: After such a sincere and saccharine previous post, it is only natural that the pendulum would swing the other way. Plus, I've had a few too many calimochos as I type this.]

This above photo represents about 88% of what is wrong with this country these days. It is a photo of a sign stating that the Jewel will be open on Thanksgiving Day from 6am - 6pm. You may say: "How convenient." I say: "Total bullshit!" I see this sign and the first thing I think of is the poor employees at Jewel who have to work on Thanksgiving. Doesn't everybody deserve a holiday??

Why does anyone need to be in a Jewel store shopping at 4pm on Thanksgiving? You should be home eating a turkey or watching a football game. Not shopping for food.

If you're one of those people who steps into this store on Thanksgiving afternoon, you seriously should be shot for being an idiot. You're a loser. Shame on you.

I have no problem with Jewel being open for a few hours on Thanksgiving, because Yes, I understand that you will invariably forget some ingredient needed for dinner, or forget to get a pie on your way to Grandma's. But if I'm Jewel I'd be all: "I'm open from 6am until noon, bitches. So if you fucktards need to get your Thanksgiving shopping done, you're shit out of luck at 12."

There used to be a time when you actually had to plan ahead to get your holiday shopping done. If you realize at 2pm that you forgot to buy the cranberry sauce for your 4pm Thanksgiving dinner, well dem's the breaks. Write it down next time. Nowadays, instead of punishing people for their laziness, we reward them by making everything available all the time. We have too many choices and it has made us lazy. Am I being hyper-crtical? Most likely yes. But I think it sucks that some kid has to miss Thanksgiving dinner with the family because she has to work to make sure some dipshit can buy a pumpkin pie at 6pm.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving (again).

PS - What is that brown powder on top of deviled eggs?
PPS - And what exactly makes an egg deviled in the first place??


NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I think YOU could put the devil in an egg. That was the angriest post I've ever seen you write. Welcome to the dark side . . .

.25 life crisis kid said...

here. here.

pepper on the devil egg, the brown stuff is pepper!

David said...

Amen! *raps spoon on table*

Six Years Late said...

I thought it was Paprika

classyandfancy said...

Ed Grimley would tell you it's paprika.