Monday, November 27, 2006

I'm Gonna Be Rich!

I’m very excited today because over the weekend I got this amazing email in my work inbox from Musa Suleman & Sister Benita, who would like to share their $25 million with me if I help them invest it!

I’m so psyched by the idea that I can hardly work today (not that I’ll need to worry about that much longer after this deal comes through!). In fact, I’m tempted to walk into my boss’ office this afternoon and say: “See ya, bitches! This office work is for sukkas!

Here’s their email to me (edited for space, but not grammar or spelling) and my reply. I hope they respond back soon so we can get this $25 million party started!

Dearest One,

In my quest for a reliable and trust worthy partner, I came across your profile and prayed over it and with the help of Almighty Allah the merciful I strongly believe I have met the right person who will assist me and my Sister Benita to invest our fund and with your position and experience, We are trusting you believing you will not betray our trust in you toward the transfer of the total fund to your position.

We are presently confronted with a request to invest funds the sum of $25 Million United State Dollars… belong legitimately to our late father and the funds are deposited with a depository with enabling conditions for the release of the fund which are as follows:

(1) That we must be 22 years or above.
(2) That upon request for the release of the fund, there must be evidence of investment intentions especially outside the west Africa,.

We are seeking your indulgence to respond to us indicating if you are capable and wiling to partner with us. In this case we are interested in Industry and real estate, and your advice will be much valuable and highly regarded in these and other business areas which may be profitable to all the perties involve.

Your swift response will be appreciated, and we will like you to include a brief profile of yourself/business, along with your complete contact information in your response. Thank you so much and we look forward to doing business with you.

Yours Truly,
Musa Suleman & Sister Benita.


My response back:

Hey Musa and Sister Benita:

Did you see my profile on MySpace, or was it on NakedOragami.com?
Either way, sure I'm game! I could certainly use the cash, what with the Holidays and all. I too have prayed (but to God, not Allah) that an opportunity like yours would come to me!

Since you've already seen my profile, I'm not sure what else I could tell you about me, but:
1) I'm a private dancer, a dancer for money. (I'll do what you want me to do!)
2) I have extensive experience (wow - say that fast 12 times!) in many areas including real estate, food preparation and celebrity stalking.
3) The ladies love me. Can’t get enough of me. Not sure how appropriate this is as part of my business profile, but with the two of you being ladies I just thought I’d call that out so there won’t be any problems later (actually, Musa, I am not sure if you are a lady but at least Sister Benita is, so it is still worth mentioning).

So yes, I am definitely a "wiling" partner for you and your other interested "perties!" As we say in America, "Pertie On, Wayne!" (Ooooh - I just had an idea: we could make that the slogan for our new business venture!)

You already have my email address, but phone number is: (312)555-6661.

I look forward to your quick reply!


I'll keep you all posted. Just think -- I'll finally be able to hire a professional to write this shitty blog.

8 comments:

Jader said...

Love it Cherry. I didn't know anyone actually took the time to write back to those people except to tell them to piss off.

Matt said...

You're so lucky to have been chosen!

If you need an assistant in this exciting business opportunity, just let me know and I'll send on my bank details, national insurance number, passport and inside leg measurement.

Prashant Sridharan said...

You can hire me to write your blog. I'll try and be funny, I swear. I could turn it into a discourse on belly dancing.

Sarah said...

Hey - when you get your millions can you help me out - I apparently have a dog in Cameron awaiting payment!


Hello madam/sir your pet was brought to our agency by your client and she payed us $50 and said you were going to pay the rest of the shipping fee.we have not heard from you or from her so what is really happening???because we have spend so much on it's feeding and it simce to be very lonely.please it is iether you pay the flight or we have no other choice than to take the pet to the MINISTRY OF LIVESTOCK.it has really been here for long so get back with your decision as soon as possible.or cal us on 2375589521
management

Todd said...

Oh cut me in, PLEASE?!

classyandfancy said...

Musa is a dude and considering that all mammals find you irresistible, you have another strong selling point. Big money, no whammies!

Ryan Charisma said...

I think you should tell your boss to "kiss off!"

you're gonna be so rich! I'm jelouse, no one prays over my profile.

no one.

Dop said...

I think I just peed a little.