Saturday, November 25, 2006

Why I Don't Drop $40 For a Haircut

Let it be known that I don't typically spend a lot of money for a haircut. I go to a Hair Cuttery-type place, slap down my $15 and that usually suits me just fine. There are other things I could be spending that $40 on besides a cut at a hair salon.

I've been needing a haircut for over a week, so on Tuesday after work I went to a place around the corner from my office because I wasn't going to have the chance to go to my usual place before Thanksgiving. It was a salon, but because this was likely my only opportunity to get a cut, and because I've been growing my hair out a bit and wanted to see if perhaps going to a more expensive stylist would be better than going to my barber I thought: what the heck let's give it a try.

His name was Gino. He was in his late 40's, had perfectly coiffed hair (in that sorta goomba way) and wore a lot of jewelry. The red flags went up immediately, but I was already inside with my jacket off so what could I do?

I sat in the chair and he asked me what I wanted. I told him I was growing it out, but because it hadn't been cut in a month it needed to be trimmed. Or "shaped" as he called it. It must be pointed out that Gino saw how I wore my hair (parted to the side, sideburns of a certain length, etc.) when I sat down in the chair. I point this out because it always amazes me when a stylist kinda ignores what you look like and adds his/her own... flair. But whatever.

To make a long story short: Gino washed my hair, cut it and then cut some more, then washed my hair again, then added a styling creme and then blow dried my hair while brushing, then added hairspray (who uses styling creme and hairspray?? And more importantly, what guy uses hairspray at all in this day and age???).

My hair was so poofy it looked like it should have been on top of a wedding cake. But not just any wedding cake - more like a civil union cake for two guys named Sal from Staten Island.

Apparently, when I say: "I need a trim," Gino hears: "Please make my head look like a mushroom cloud of hair."

And when he asks how I wear my hair and I say: "Parted on the side," Gino hears: "Like the Fonz."

This coif was magical in that not only did it give me big hair, it also somehow made my forehead elongated, kinda Frankenstein-esque. What was also magic was the fact that this hairdo changed the physical properties of my face to make me look exactly like Frank Stallone. I was staring into the mirror and Frank Stallone was staring back at me. (I know some of you would like to see photos, but all you need to do is look at this photo on the left. Or maybe find an old photo of Richard Marx.)

When it was over Gino asked, "What do you think?"
What I wanted to say was: "Well, Gino, I think I should be auditioning for a supporting role in Saturday Night Fever."
But instead I lied and told him: "I think it looks fine" (because really, what could I say??).

The good news is that when I got home I was able to make it look more normal (it actually isn't such a bad haircut, once I styled it myself). But now comes the uncomfortable part of calling Gino back in a few weeks to cancel the appointment I already made for next time. Any advice on how to get out of a hair appointment with a stylist you don't like but are too much of a wimp to say no to in the first place, just let me know.


Me said...

Urgent trip out of town for business and you will call to reschedule on your return works well!

Be thankful at cost - I just paid $155 AUD for a cut, semi dye and my eyebrows dyed!

PS Did you know that your boyfriend was forcing tequila shots on me tonight?????

Todd said...

Cherry. Baby. Just say NO.

ridiculous said...

just handle it as you would any other break-up...

'this just isn't working's not you, it's me...i just need a little space.'

classyandfancy said...

A Richard Marx haircut soundz HOTTT! Jersey hair, nothing compares.

Prashant Sridharan said...

Alright, here's an area in which I am an unabashed expert. Actually, two areas, breakups and hair care.

On the breakup: as a frequent dumpee, the most effective response is really, "I just don't like you enough to keep on sleeping with you." You could embellish with, "I think you're too good for me", or my personal favorite, "Call me when you get your own jet". I have heard many of these such statements in my life. I should make a Magic 8 Ball for dumping people.

Okay, onto the hair issue. First off, there are only two types of hairdressers worth going to in this world: gay men with unflinching fashion sense, or really hot chicks who secretly want to sleep with me but are afraid to make the first move because they might lose their job over it and then I'd feel obligated to take them out for sushi and comfort them in my own unique way. Needless to say, I'm quite an afficionado of the latter.

The Shaun said...

Good, nice post, but do you have any new "fresh off the boat" pictures of our Richard?

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

"You're the best around! Nothing's gonna' ever get you down!"

Is that not a Frank Stallone JAM from Karate Kid?? You can just FEEL his hair when he sings that one.

Very funny post by the way. I need to get back in the game . . .

darci ann said...

Dear Gino,
a) i'll be traveling on an important mission to track down an intergalatic space monster and a requirement for the mission is shaving one's head. As a result I'll need to cancel my next appointment.
b) i watched Taxi Cab this weekend and decide to rescue a hooker and cut a mohawk, please cancel my appointment.
c) Gino, I feel it would be inappropriate to keep visiting you as I am so deeply attracted to you the temptation to cross the client/customer line is too intense.

Hipster Pit said...

DUDE. Get with the times. THE EIGHTIES ARE BACK, BABY.

Katie in the UK said...

As Wingman, I feel it is my duty to call and cancel for you. However, I am not willing to make an international call just to get you out of a bad hair appointment (apparently, THAT is where this Wingman draws the line).

Does Gino answer the phones too? If not, I say you channel the superpowers that hair is giving you and make the call.

You can do it. I believe in you.
So sayeth the Wingman.