Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Top 10 Things I Learned This Weekend:

  1. My grandma’s middle name is Lucille. (Or at least that’s what she claims – she was drinking vodka gimlets when she told me this.)
  2. Believe the hype: those Wisconsin people know their dairy. Cheese from Wisconsin is better than from other places.
  3. There’s nothing worse than a snobby American Apparel worker. Dude: you work at American Apparel. Yes, I understand that your clothes are made here in the US, and that you support a better business model – I fully support that. But you’re still selling neon pink unitards and tube socks. In less than a decade your store will be the butt of every “Remember the 2000’s” joke. American Apparel is the “Coca Cola Clothing” of the millennium. (Remember Coca-Cola clothing? My point exactly.)
  4. The BellRays as perhaps the best live band I’ve seen. Ever. No joke.
  5. Those ear and nose hair trimmer-thingys are not as common as you might think. You can’t just walk into a CVS or Walgreens or Osco or even K-Mart thinking you can find one. Trust me, I’ve tried.
  6. Lake Geneva (Wisconsin) is to Chicago as the Hamptons are to New York. (Granted in a C+, middle-shelf, Midwest kind of way.)
  7. A margarita is often a good idea. A margarita with “just a touch” of Sour Apple-flavored Pucker because there simply isn’t enough alcohol in a margarita is more often than not probably not such a good idea.
  8. Drinking from 4:30 in the afternoon to 2:30 in the morning: Hella Expensive. Taking photos of me pretending to be passed out in the aisle at 7-11 at 2:30 in the morning because I’ve been drinking since 4:30 in the afternoon and thought it would be funny: Priceless. (Note, as you would suspect, the photos aren’t nearly as funny when you’re sober the next day.)
  9. Lots of people don’t know the difference between an English accent and Australian one. Or rather: you can talk in an English accent, tell people you’re Australian and they’ll believe you. (Or more likely: maybe people can tell the difference and they’re just humoring you because it is 2:30 in the morning and you’re drunk.)
  10. People are nicer to you and will take a photo with you if they think you’re Australian. People who wouldn’t give you the time of day normally (like a gang of kids in a parking lot or a clerk at 7-11) will drop everything if you say: “I’m from Australia so could I get a photo with you?”

Photos from Points #8 and #10 coming soon...

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