I Am Pathetic. And Fat. Pathetic and Fat

In addition to counting myself among a crowd of geeks, freaks and weirdos to see the midnight screening of a super hero movie Thursday night (that's the part that makes me pathetic), the following conversation I had with a co-worker Friday reminded me that I'm fat.

The setup: our office intern dropped two chocolate chip cookies off at my desk, which I promptly ate as a nice dessert to the leftover deep-dish pizza from dinner last night that I scarfed down for lunch. A few minutes later as I stopped by his desk for something, the following hilarious* interaction ensued:
Intern: "How were the cookies?"
Me: "Very good. Were they Pepperidge Farms?"
Intern: "Yes. How on earth did you know that??"

I didn't respond. But what I wanted to say was, "I know that because I've consumed so many fucking chocolate chip cookies - especially in the last four months - that I could pick them out even in a blind taste test. Indeed, I could tell a Starbuck's chocolate chip cookie from a Caribou Coffee's; a Matt's from a Mrs. Field's; and definitely a Chips Ahoy from a Keebler Soft Bake with incredible ease, you'd think I baked them myself. There isn't a chocolate chip cookie I've said no to since Bush was elected president. Come to think of it: no cookie, brownie, Hostess product, pie, cake, coffeecake, donut, donut hole, cupcake, or cinnamon roll has escaped my grasp in the last five years." Yes, that is how pathetic (and fat) I've become.

Further evidence that I'm fat:

1. I no longer need a belt for any of my pants.
2. My "chest" (although "man-breasts" is certainly more accurate) now shake when I run down a flight of stairs.
3. The dreaded double-chin, previously only viewable with my head positioned in a certain/awkward way, is now a permanent fixture on my face.
4. Back Fat. And worse, photographic evidence of it.
5. Sometimes when I'm really hungry and I go to Burger King (which in itself I shouldn't admit to), sometimes I not only order the King Size, but I will often get a hamburger on the side. Who the fuck gets a hamburger on the side except for fatties like me?
6. Remember that song "Things that make you go 'Hmm.'"? And remember when some food company like Kraft bought the rights to that song and made a jingle that went, "Things that make you go 'Mmmm.'"? Well, that's basically the song that runs through my head constantly as I walk up and down the aisles at the supermarket.
7. Because unless you're some kind of professional chocolate chip cookie taster, nobody should be able to identify a Pepperidge Farm cookie just by taste. That's just wrong.

The really sad or funny part about all this is that there was a time in the not-too-distant past (like even 11 months ago) when I had a body that would be envied by many people my age.

I think today I'll send myself a card that reads "Congratulations Fatty McFat! Have another chocolate sundae!"

* and by "hilarious" I of course mean "pathetic."

X-Men III: The Cherry Ride (sort-of) Review

I am a geek at heart, and although I do my best to deny it, a movie like "X-Men III: The Last Stand" comes along and I'm basically wetting my pants in anticipation. I grew up reading X-Men comics (my collection, sitting in boxes in the basement of my parent's house, is worth a few thousand bucks, I believe) and while I haven't read a comic in years, I still get excited about all this crap.

To make a long story shorter, when we discovered that we wouldn't have to wait a whole workday to see the movie (like for the first two X-Men movies, which I saw opening night) but could go to the midnight showing, there wasn't even a debate (well, there was a small debate about which theater to go to, but anyways). Plus, I'd never been to a midnight showing for anything in my life, and I figured this was probably my last shot.

It wasn't until Richard and I were standing there in the lobby at 11:15pm, watching girls dressed as Rogues, another girl with a red fleece cape, surrounded by guys with bad fashion and hygiene, listening in to a conversation happening behind us in line about which of the X-Men spinoff teams -- New Mutants, X-Factor or Xcalibur -- was the best (hello -- New Mutants, duh!) did I realize the uncomfortable truth that O My God, I am a thirty-something man who has willingly chosen to forgo sleep until 2 in the morning to wait in line for an hour with utter freaks to watch a movie about superheroes. And that, my friends, is a sad and sobering realization.

One thing that is great about the X-Men franchise has been the fact that, although there have always been lots of opportunities to screw a good thing up ("Daredevil" anyone? "Fantastic Four" [see photo below]?), Bryan Singer and his crew have done a good job. I won't really go into a lot of specifics (or any spoilers) about this third installment, but but overall I really liked it. On the 1-10 scale, I'd put it around an 7.5 (whereas the first one was a 7 and the second one an 8). Not as good as the last one, but generally speaking not bad at all.

Normally I tend to get hyper-critical about movies where I have a certain expectation level, but this time I set aside the flaws (and there are several - the overwrought dialogue, too many characters introduced but then given nothing to do, Wolverine's haircut) and sat back and enjoyed it. A few other bad/good thoughts:

• Bad: Cyclops, and the actor that plays him (James Marsden) once again got screwed. I'm sure that when James signed on to the project years ago he thought, "Cool - I get to play a major character in what will surely be major blockbuster hits and I'll finally become famous." Unlike in the comics, the movie version of Cyclops is a major pussy. Is it possible for an actor to become less famous for being in a movie? Well, that certainly is the case for poor James.
• Good: I didn't realize it until the opening sequence but now it totally makes sense: Magneto (Ian McKellen) and Professor X (Patrick Stewart) were gay lovers. It explains a lot.
• Good: Halle Barry finally gets more than a few lines of dialogue in this one, which is good. She basically kicks ass. And has good hair. (Although I still hate the fact that they miraculously got rid of her Kenyan accent between the first and second movie.)
• Bad: Yet despite Halle having more lines, this was basically the Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and Magneto show, as they were the only two characters who had anything substantative to do, and that is a shame.
• Bad: The Beast, played by Kelsey Grammer, is basically "Frasier" in a blue furry suit. I like Kelsey and was originally psyched he was cast as the Beast, but now think it was a horrible choice.
• Bad: Bryan Singer (director of the first two) has a better command of character nuance than this new director does.
• Bad: The movie clocks in at about 2 hours, but they should have made it longer -- even by 15 minutes -- and spent a little more time on character development.
• Good: I knew the basic plot going into it, but I was surprised at some of the twists (ie a few major characters die and/or otherwise disappear).
• Good: When you go see it, be sure to stay until after the credits roll. There's a prologue.
• Bad: Everyone's aged in this one: Wolverine looks old, Jean Grey looks old, Ian McKellen looks really old. Then Richard pointed out "It's because they ARE old. Most all the leads are played by people in their forties. Or older." A sad reality -- they're all getting too old to star in superhero movies. You know what else is a sad reality? That I'm too old to be going to the midnight showings of them.*

UPDATE: Oh, and I totally forgot about this nugget: There's a scene involving the destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge, with a shot of a group of asian tourists taking their photo in front of the Bridge right as it goes under attack. Not only did it do nothing for the movie, but isn't that -- to quote from "Avenue Q" -- a little but racist? Well, maybe not racist but at least very racially insensitive??

On a side note, they also showed a preview for the new "Omen" remake, which opens on 6.6.6. After the preview, I heard a woman sitting behind me say, "Uh-uh. I ain't going out of the house that day. Lots of CRAZIES going out on that day."

Below is a photo of Jessica Alba, who played Fantastic Girl (ed. - it is actually Invisible Girl, thanks Prashant) in last summer's Fantastic Four movie. Jessica Alba has nothing to do with X-Men III, but it was about a year ago to the date that I "met"** Jessica Alba in a shoe store in London. And since Fantastic Four and X-Men are both from Marvel Comics, there's, like, a total connection.

* Having said that, "Superman" looks bitchin cool and I wouldn't mind staying up late to see that one. Maybe one last time...

** And by "met" I of course mean "looked her in the eye, got intimidated, and basically ran screaming out of the store."

I'm Feeling Blue (Mountain)

A few weeks ago I needed to send a friend an e-card, so I went to Blue Mountain. I don't remember the exact circumstances, but I think in order to send your "free" card, you need to sign up for a free 30-day trial and give them your credit card number. At the end of 30 days, if you don't cancel the trial, you get charged a full year membership to Blue Mountain.

Smart people go back and cancel their membership so as not to incur the year membership. If you're me, you forget that you signed up in the first place and then get a charge on your credit card bill that reads something like: "Blue Mountain Yearly Subscription - $30."

So yes, I am the proud owner of a yearly subscription to Blue Mountain, which gives me UNLIMITED e-cards for one full year. So I think it would be great to take on the "Man" at Blue Mountain (although when I envision the "Man" at Blue Mountain, I really see a bunch of those middle-aged suburban mothers that hang around the Hallmark Store at the mall) and use/abuse my Blue Mountain unlimited e-card sending privileges for all it's worth.

Got a special occasion that you'd like me to send you an e-card for? Just let me know and one is on the way. Your grandma having hip replacement surgery? Let me send her an e-card. Trying to suck up to your boss? An e-card is on the way. Have a friend of a friend of a friend who is bored? Send 'em my way, and an e-card is theirs.

Day of Lists

Three things that are scaring the bejesus out of me today:

1. Bird Flu is (finally) spreading through human contact.
2. And if Bird Flu doesn't kill us all, then an asteroid on April 23, 2036 will.
3. Someone let Ginger Spice breed. And name her own children.

Two bands whose bandwagon I won't be jumping on:

1. Arctic Monkeys - admit it, you don't like them either. How could you? You just heard their name tossed around and thought liking them would be cool. Trust me, nobody will be listening to these guys by February. Plus, it's bad when pop princess trio does a remake of your song and its better than your version.
2. Wolfmother - Christ, I'm tired of hearing about these guys already. Don't get me wrong, their music WAS good - when it was done by Ozzy Osbourne the first time around.

Case in point, I was talking the other day to a friend (whose name I won't mention because I don't want to embarrass him and, besides, he's supposed to get me a t-shirt) who told me how he was looking forward to seeing both acts at this weekend's Sasquatch Music Festival. When I pointed out that both bands do actually suck, he said "Yeah you're right."

One thing I WILL be doing this weekend:

1. X-Men III. Oh yeah bitches.

Report: the Red Line Will Kill You

This special report issued today from the Tribune's "hip" little sister Red Eye about the level of germs and the possibility of catching something from riding public transportation. Yay for the Brown Line, for being cleaner than the Red. Bottom line: don't touch a surface on the bus or train and then eat a finger lickin' good meal from KFC (or anywhere else) without first washing. And if you needed a report to tell you that, you've got bigger problems than catching a cold from the L.

Should this really be a surprise to anyone? I read somewhere recently that a public toilet is cleaner than the NYC subway (and although I wouldn't be surprised, I tend to think that's not quite true). And from personal experience, I can attest that the London Tube is actually Influenza on Rails (I was sick for about 2 straight weeks of the 6 weeks I was there.) But I've always chalked it up to the annoying-yet-acceptable risk of using public transport. The trade-off for the special doses of humanity we get to witness by sharing a seat with people who smell of cheese or Play Doh.

Favorite quote from the article: "I try so hard to keep my hands to myself, but you just can't help grabbing onto the poles..." Yeah, that same issue has got me in trouble before too.

Seriously, What's the Point?

Part of my job involves calling a large amount of people and talking to them about my client's products. In the last 3 days I've noticed a strange trend in the many voicemail messages that I've heard that say someting like, "Hi I'm out of the office for most of this week but returning Thursday, May 25th..."

Is that for real? Why would you take three days off, come back to work for two days* and then take another three-day holiday beginning the weekend? Why not just take the whole week off and get, like, a mega 10-day holiday? Makes no sense to me.

* and by "two days" I of course really mean one day because nobody in the history of employment gets any work done the Friday before Memorial Day. Stop kidding yourself.

Didn't Do Shit This Weekend

Instead of going to see Augusten Burroughs discuss his new book Firday night, Richard and I loitered with our friend Kathleen over beers at Sheffield's. Kathleen was in from Portland with her boyfriend Rick, and we'd agreed to a quick happy hour beer before she and Rick went to the Drive By Truckers and we went to the book signing. But we stayed at Sheffield's later than planned, decided to get pizza instead (our second deep-dish pizza in a week), and completely ditched seeing Burroughs.

Instead of going to Home Depot and running lots of errands on Saturday, we went to watch Fred's softball game at Grant Park. Richard is totally uninterested in softball, so while Laura and I cheered Fred and his team team (they lost, but they're improving and looking better than two weeks ago), Richard took a nap in the sun.

Instead of cleaning and organizing the new place Saturday night, we all went to a party at Lucas and April's, where the food was good but I was practically forced to drink a whiskey and Coke (and thanks to my teen misadventures of raiding my father's liquor cabinet combined with college swim team parties where I was required to drink "my share" of Wild Turkey ["the team's "official alcoholic beverage" whatever that meant] I have an intense hatred of whiskey) but at least I made two new Flickr! friends.

Which finally brings us to Sunday, where instead of going to the gym, installing closet solutions and putting up pictures, we slept in, I stuffed my gullet at some Lithuanian restaurant in Burbank (of all places) and chased it down with some Munchkin donut holes from Dunkin' Donuts for dessert.

New Look for the Cherry Ride

Many of you know that I'm in the process of considering moving forward with possibly thinking about potentially planning to make some changes to the look and feel of my blogsite. Nothing too major - a new banner mostly.

I've got some ideas for it, most of which involve doing something with the image used in my Blogger Profile to the right. People have asked me "What's the Deal?" with my blogger photo, and some that don't know me are shocked to learn that I'm actually not a young asain girl. The reason for the photo is this: I didn't want to use a photo of my own, so when I set up this blog I did a photo search for "Cherry Ride" and the photo of the girl in the kiddie coupe was one of the photos that came back. I thought it was funny, so I used it.

The same site with the kiddie coupe (a children's toy website) also has a bunch of other images of children in toy cars, many of which I also found funny. So now I'm at a point where, if I decide to use an image of a child in a toy car riding along the highway, I have several to choose from.

So this is the point in my post where I place post them all below and ask any of you who read my blog (apparently as many as 40-50 people a day) to vote on which of the following photos I should use.* I was originally hoping I could find a photo of Stylin Rob bare-chested with his hair slicked-back, posing next to a bitchin' camaro, but alas, I'm not that lucky. 'Cuz that would have been Gold I tell ya.

#1 - the old standard. What's not to love about this photo - adorable & innocent (kinda like me).





#2 - this boy in the Big Wheel is having maybe just a little too much fun - cute/disturbing at the same time (again, kinda like me)








#3 - I have this same visor and red checkered shirt (except I've cut off the sleeves so I can wear it clubbing). She's havin fun and has her hands placed in the "10-and-2" position, which shows she's a good driver - fun and safe (not really like me, though).

Well, what do you think?

* Please note that I have pretty much made up my mind on this already and your opinion probably won't sway my opinion. But I'm into group ownership, so please, let your opinion fly....

Vegemite

Last night Richard and I went out to run a few errands and see a movie. We were searching for Vegemite, since Richard brought over two jars (one big, one small) and the large one broke open in his suitcase. We're already through half of the little jar so to assure we didn't run out (because the craving for a cheese, tomato and vegemite sandwich can and has struck at any time) we thought it best to find a Chicago source. That source turned out to be Cost Plus World Market on Broadway.

The irony of all this being that, until my last visit to Sydney in January, no force on the planet could get me to voluntarily eat Vegemite. But I have to say, that stuff is a party in your mouth.

Stopped into Borders and bought a novel finally released in the US called "Who Moved My Blackberry?" that I will crack open tonight. A friend in the UK recommended it to me in February and I'm glad it has finally come over. The jacket says it is a cross between "The Office" and "Bridget Jones" but my friend said it also reminded her of Matthew Beaumont's "E" - so I figure this should be a homerun (PS - If you've ever worked in an advertising/marketing/design/PR firm and have not read "E" do yourself a favor and buy it). Richard bought Augusten Burrough's new "Possible Side Effects" (which he will be reading and signing this Friday night).

After that we saw "Friends With Money" which was one of the best movies I've seen so far this year, although I will say hometown girl Joan Cusack needs to put back on a little weight. And while I love Jennifer Aniston, I don't think she's really capable of playing anything other than variations on Rachel. Last night her character was "Living-in-LA-and-having-a-bad-year" Rachel.

A New Low

I've got a cold and throughout the day snot has been pouring from my nose. Which has required me to get up from my desk, walk to the kitchen, grab a tissue, and walk back to my desk.

That's a lotta work.

So just a few minutes ago I achieved a new low by actually reaching into my garbage can next to my desk to pull out a used kleenex in order to wipe my nose. Life is good.

I Have Nothing Witty To Say

Sleepless nights in Vegas and long hours of moving boxes have taken their toll and as I sit here trying to focus on the screen I must admit defeat - I'm officially sick. Or maybe it isn't the lack of sleep over the last week but really the 40 degree temperatures these last few days. I blame the weather. Either way, I have nothing of any merit or importance to write today (yet).

I was going to write something about "A case of the Mondays" but anyone reading this that doesn't know me might think that I was actually trying to be funny and ironic by quoting from Office Space. But since the shark jumped that one a long time ago I am going to leave it be.

We bought my Mom an iPod Nano for Mother's Day, and she was surprised and totally excited (since she'd been wanting one for a long time). To get her started, I burned 3 disks of songs I thought she'd like. I could have easily made 10 disks for her, since by the end of Vol. III I was only through the "L"s in my library.

I hadn't made a CD for anybody in about a year (even though I've been promising friends that I would) and now that I've got the fever back I think I might just get back in the habit. Last year, I made the first in what I hoped would be a quarterly series of compilation CDs (called "Sour Cream" which had to do with my old MyNacho blog site) that I sent out to a few friends. It was well received, but sadly I lost enthusiasm for it and only got through Vol. I. I'm thinking of trying again with new vigor, especially since I've been listening to some great new stuff lately.

In other news, I (finally) moved into my brother's new condo this weekend which is closer to work and pretty much everything else.

Vegas Observations 2006

I returned back from Vegas late Wednesday night, still in a bit of a fog. I heart Vegas (in doses) but the place is soo artificial, it leaves you feeling like it was all a dream, and not real.
More than anything else, this week brought back really strong memories of my last trip to Vegas, which was in January 2004 for CES. I wish I had a blog back then because those were 4 of the most interesting/challenging/yet rewarding days of my career. I was getting by on nothing but 2 hours of sleep and pure adrenaline. Completely stressed out but also having the time of my life. (I would send these daily observations back to my colleagues back at the office and I wish I would have kept the mails. But anyway, I digress...)

I could write a long entry here about my trip there this week (and I will write a separate entry on the National Hardware Show, my reason for being there in the first place), but essentially, my 41 hours in Vegas can be boiled down to these pithy observations:

1. McCarran International Airport has to be the only US airport that smells like tobacco smoke. Seriously, the whole place smells like a cigarette.
2. The look of Treasure Island BEFORE the recent re-branding/million-dollar marketing campaign as a hip, happening Vegas hotel: gussied-up whore house.
3. The look of Treasure Island AFTER the recent re-branding/million-dollar marketing campaign as a hip, happening Vegas hotel: gussied-up bordello.
4. A gallon of gas may be $3.50 in some places, but in Vegas you can still get a prime-rib steak* for $7.
5. No longer confined to street corners and 1-800 numbers, prostitutes are now apparently allowed to wander the lobbies, casinos and clubs of reputable hotels. [Or maybe they always have been, and I just finally got propositioned in one.]
6. It gets harder and harder to tell the difference these days between prostitutes and, say, middle-aged women from Tucson here to celebrate their friend's 40th birthday "Vegas style."
7. Cab drivers here are friendly and polite. They sometimes get out of the cab to open the car door for you. After accidentally running into and slightly over a concrete median (he was lost in the rapture of singing along to Elton John's "Philadelphia Freedom" - no joke), my cab driver put his hand on my shoulder to make sure I was OK.
8. Has anyone in the real world (outside of Las Vegas) heard of this Danny Gans character? Why is there a 100-ft image of him on the Strip?

I've got a few photos from my trip which I wil post here and on Flickr this weekend.

* because you couldn't get me to eat a $7 prime-rib steak, even if my life depended on it, I cannot vouch for the quality of such steak.

Reach Out and Touch Faith

Just found out that tonight's Depeche Mode concert at the Allstate Arena has been cancelled. I am very upset* about this.

* And by "very upset" I of course mean not very upset at all. In fact, actually glad because now I can watch the 7-minute X-3 trailer on Fox or finish packing my room for the move this Saturday.

Pinatas

After last night's Seis de Mayo Party, I think I may have an obsession with Pinatas. Someone brought a little one (which we named Mo'neeq, pictured above with Fred, me and Laura) with good candy - like Crunch bars, 100,000 Grand bars - not the usual lame stuff. Mo'neeq was such a pretty and loyal (two qualities required from my friends) little puppy. Until Laura pointed out that she was a bull, not a puppy. I still wanted to take her home with me but of course a pinata with that kind of booty up her booty was not going to survive this crowd (she never really stood a chance).

Photos from the party on Flickr.

THIS JUST IN: According to the [very scientific] Cherry Ride Survey, almost 1 in 3 of you celebrated the weekend with an extra item from the Taco Bell menu. Five of you wore gaucho pants and six of you were planning to get gored in the ass by something/someone that wasn't necessarily a bull.

Friday

Once again, random Friday thoughts:

1. The Chinese love their spittle. So much so, that the government has launched a spit crackdown. (PS - isn't that a great name for a band - Spit Crackdown?) Could someone explain this one to me - Singapore "hotel staff are upset with Chinese tourists spitting in their rooms"? Who spits in their hotel room? Who spits anywhere?
2. Another cool names for a band is "Afraid of Frida."
3. What happened to Pepsi One? It was my favorite soda and I can't find it anywhere. Yet, the market is still flooded with that lousy Coke Zero product.
4. I'm going to be doing some spring cleaning on my site. New look (hopefully soon) and also weeding through my blog links on the right. Yes, I do read all the sites along my Freeway of Love, but some of you (I'm not naming names) haven't updated in awhile and are about to get the axe. Step up to the plate.
5. And speaking of the axe, Ida the potato chip has reached the winter of her life. Not only is she in a million little pieces (see photo below), but upon hearing of her plight, my boss ordered the landlord to issue a thorough vacuuming of the entire office over the weekend (that's the tip of my foot to give you a sense of scale).
6. I totally forgot my friend Krista's birthday, which was, like, last week. Like she needed another reason to point out my failure as a friend.
7. Is it widely known and generally accepted that mattresses are expensive? And if so, why didn't I know about it?
8. Tragic Drag Queen of the Week will be back. It is not a question of why but a question of when (sorry Fred).
9. Sadly, I did NOT score tickets to Conan next week while he's in Chicago, although I wouldn't have been able to go anyway as I'll be in Vegas (hamming it up with power tool, plumbing and paint manufacturers). But that won't stop me from telling people I'm not going to Conan because I have to go to Vegas.

Cherry Ride Slogans

My favorites from the Advertising Slogan Generator:

The Cherry Ride really satisfies.

I like the Cherry Ride in you.
Hungry? Grab a Cherry Ride.

Cherry Ride. It’s what’s for Dinner.
I feel like a Cherry Ride tonight.
When life gets you down, reach for the Cherry Ride.

Look for the Cherry Ride label.
When the going gets tough, the tough get Cherry Ride.
If only everything in life was as reliable as the Cherry Ride.

Newsflash: Buying a House Anywhere is Fucking Expensive

(Ed. note: there is generous use of the F-bomb in this post.)
I was talking to a friend yesterday who lives in San Diego and she said that she wants to by a house but it is "so fucking expensive to buy a house in San Diego."

So it got me thinking. I used to live in Portland, and it was so fucking expensive to buy a house there. I have friends who live in Seattle and it is so fucking expensive to buy a house there too. I then moved to DC, and yes, buying a house there was also so fucking expensive.

So it got me thinking some more: Isn't it so fucking expensive to buy a house/condo in any city? Why do we qualify it by saying in "X" city it is so fucking expensive, as though there is something about that particular city that makes it expensive over other cities? Its like, "Waaaahhh - Look at me, I need special attention because I live here and it is expensive to buy a house..."

I have friends who live in the following places, and all of them have said:

• Boston - so fucking expensive
• Chicago - so fucking expensive
• Austin - pretty fucking expensive
• New York City - so unbelieveably fucking expensive
• Los Angeles - any neighborhood you'd want to live in is so totally fucking expensive
• San Fransisco - don't even think about it because you'd die it is so fucking expensive
• Sydney - you're kidding right? So fucking expensive
• London - OK, what planet are you on? Not in a million years it is so fucking expensive

I challenge anyone out there to tell me where it is cheap to buy a house. In a place that you'd actually want to live (which in my opinion automatically eliminates anywhere south of the Mason-Dixon, west of Chicago yet east of the Rockies, and Ohio). Can't we all just agree that it is expensive to buy a house (or condo) anywhere and everywhere?

Smokin' in the Boys Room

Our office shares a men's bathroom with three other businesses on the same floor of our building. Occasionally I will walk into the bathroom to find it smelling of cigarette smoke. Basically, someone on the floor is too lazy and inconsiderate to go all the way down four floors on the elevator to smoke their cancer stick outside. I don't think I'm too much of a smoking prude, but this is just bullshit. This ain't no smoking lounge!

At first I thought it was maybe just someone who reeks of smoke, since the space is small. But then last week I found the evidence - ashes and the plastic wrap from a pack - in the stall.

Just this morning as I was walking into the bathroom there was a guy coming out and once again the space smelled of smoke. So now I at least have a suspect. Plus, he looks like the type of guy that would sneak a smoke in a public restroom: mid-fifties, bad 80's perm, some sort of safari vest over his mock turtleneck (for pete's sake!).

Yes, I'm on to you, douchebag smoker from Siena Capital Partners. Don't make me get all Starbucks on your ass.

Vegas, Baby

Just found out that I am off to Vegas to 2 days next week.

Hide your bitches, National Hardware Show CEOs, presidents, vice presidents, owners, partners, buyers, operations, logistics, merchandising, and marketing professionals representing retailers, wholesalers & distributors and importers & exporters of harware, tool, garden and lawn retailers for home centers, mass, specialty, grocers, chain drug stores, wholesaler clubs and pro dealers -- because this party is gonna be OFF DA HOOK!*
* An by "off da hook" I of course mean mind-numbingly and soul-crushingly lackluster, tedious and dull.