Reasons Why People from NW Indiana Hate Chicagoans (Pt. 1):

In the same way that lots of Virginians hate people from DC; or the way that Hamptons locals probably hate the hordes of Manhattanites who “summer” there, or the way that “townies” (as we called them) hated the snotty college kids, I imagine that there are groups of Hoosiers living in NW Indiana that don’t like Chicagoans all that much. You know, the fancy-schmancy (that’s a Hoosier term, not mine) city folk who drive their foreign cars into the small, quiet towns and pollute their lakes, complain about the local cuisine (or lack thereof) and make fun of the inbreeding (again, their term not mine).

Case in point: We (Bob, Kari, Richard and I) pull into an Arby’s close to the cottage for Bob & Kari to get dinner. We pull up to the drive-thru pickup window and Bob collects all the garbage (ie, wrappers, empty Starbucks cups) into his hands and asks, “Do you think they’d mind if I gave them this to throw away?” To which I reply, “Naaah. Why would they mind? I’m sure they would LOVE to handle your discarded trash and throw it away for you! Isn’t that part of their jobs – to give you the food you ordered AND help clean out your car? It’s a win/win for everyone!”

The nice girl at the window hears this interaction and, because she IS nice, takes the garbage anyway. My brother turns to me with a look of “See, asshole? She didn’t mind.”

I’m just glad that I didn’t order me any food from Arby’s, cuz I’m sure there was a big Hoosier loogey in that chicken sandwich. That’s all I’m saying.